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Stationed on the front lines of life at the University of Massachusetts-Amherst, Max Evans was already well into his sophomore year of college before realizing he knew absolutely nothing about the opposite sex.
He’d just met Tonia Brightman. Although friends and family predicted she would be just another in Max’s long line of conquests, Tonia had different plans. In one way or another, she’d cast a spell on the roaming bachelor, and, to everyone’s shock, the young lad dove head first into her cauldron.
On an immediate and desperate quest for understanding, Max wrote home for reinforcements:
Dear Dad,
As always, I hope this letter finds you and Mom well. Things are good here at school, and I have no doubt that English Literature is the perfect major for me. So, relax! Your investment is being well-spent.
Dad, forgive me for cutting to the chase, but I need help. I think I’ve finally met “THE ONE!” Her name is Tonia. She’s beautiful and sexy, with dark hair and eyes to match, but the problem is she’s confusing the hell out of me. Every time I think I know how to act, I’m wrong. Every time I think I’ve reacted correctly, I’m wrong. I wouldn’t ask if it didn’t mean so much to me. I really do need your advice!
Love,
Max
Jake dropped the letter onto his desk, leaned back in his chair, and placed both hands behind his head. With a mischievous smile, he pondered his son’s quest into the unknown. Half of him felt bad, but the other half had to chuckle. Women could be a rough trip for sure, but there was no better ride on earth. He responded with love:
Dearest Max,
First and foremost, your Mom and I are well, and I’m happy to find you are the same. Also, you should know -- no matter which path you choose, you’ll always be a solid investment. With that said -- on to the pressing matter at hand.
Max, above all things, you MUST be yourself, both in action and reaction. If any relationship demands differently, then it is destined to fail anyway. So, be you!
The rest is not as simple, so bear with your old man, and let’s see if I can’t shed some light on your wonderful dilemma. By the grace of your lovely mother, I have learned:
Women are a creature of the heart, not intended to be understood, just loved. Mysterious by their very nature, they reveal only what they wish, leaving the rest to the efforts of those who dare to explore them within. They live by their feelings, rely on their instincts, and wonder why their needs are not understood without their ever explaining them. But trust me Max, there has never been a more beautiful creature made by the hand of God.
Intentionally or subconsciously, women will test your heart and constantly check its depth. They can easily detect wandering eyes or sniff out anything less than the truth --
without even being in your presence. They only wish to be placed first, though they will never request it. They desire solid communication but will rarely say it. And they only yearn for someone who will understand them completely, though they will never, ever show their entire hand. But what a wasted life, my boy, to never know their ways.
All women are maternal and protective, almost territorial, when it comes to those they love. They can break your spirit with a look or heal your soul with those same eyes. There is no softer touch, nor destructive hands -- depending on the circumstance. The truth is found more in what they don’t say than in what they will have you hear. And little things like flowers and poetry mean more to them than you could ever imagine. Possessing such complexity, it is still the simple things that seem to make them smile. But oh, the incredible joys you can reap in return...
These beautiful creatures like to feel the safety provided by a man, though they will fight to retain their independence. They are compassionate and sensitive, and though they desire the same from a mate, they are also attracted to the crude ruggedness accompanied by raw masculinity. I suppose mysterious is not the word.
Max, as I sit here and write this letter, it has become comically clear to me that I know so very little on the subject you ask. So, it looks like the rest becomes your research project. Trust me, Son, if Tonia is “The One,” your assignment will last no less than a lifetime.
Love Always,
Dad
P.S. When and if you do find some answers, let me know. I’ve always been just as curious!
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