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Why? That’s what I want to know. Why the heck does this movie exist? Why does it take up space in video stores and libraries? Why, oh why...?
I know what you’re wondering. Why, you’re wondering, would I even see this movie. I know -- I’d wonder that, too, if I were you. But I had a reason. I know someone who was in the movie. Really. But I won’t mention that person’s name or role in the film -- to protect the innocent.
The Next Karate Kid follows Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita), a man who reminds me a little too much of Yoda, to Boston, where he finds that his friend is having some problems with her granddaughter, Julie (played by Hilary Swank), who has come to live with her since her parents died. (Hold on... was this originally an after-school special?) Miyagi decides to solve the problem by sending his friend back to California for a break while he, a strange Japanese man who they barely know, stays in Boston to take care of a high school girl. Julie gets herself into trouble by breaking into school to take care of an injured hawk that she’s secretly caring for -- she gets caught by a band of militant high school boys, one of whom is under the impression that if he continues to get her into trouble, she’ll fall madly in love with him. After Julie gets suspended from school, Miyagi takes her to a Buddhist monastery, where he teaches her karate.
This movie started out as just plain painful -- seriously so. The story was ridiculous, the dialogue was horribly cheesy, and the acting -- well, let’s just say that Hilary Swank was lucky to get another role after this one. The only redeeming part of the movie was the crazy Buddhist monks and their knack for bowling.
In summary, let me just say this: unless you know someone in this movie and feel compelled to watch it, please, for the love of all that’s good and just in this world, steer clear.
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