The man Iíve been dating for over a year is continually late. Not 10 or 20 minutes, but half an hour to two hours. Sometimes heís fairly punctual, but the latest incident devastated me.
He had finally invited me to meet his parents, then showed up an hour and a half late. I was a nervous wreck, unable to relax that evening. Even when his parents laughed off his lateness as commonplace, I was still so angry that Iím sure they thought I was either chronically depressed or a complete grouch.
I canít help seeing this as anything but a lack of respect. Iíve talked to him a number of times and nothing. Do you have any suggestions on how I can get him to understand how important this is to our relationship? -- WAITING Ė TORONTO
Youíre right. There is a definite lack of respect here, but itís probably not just a lack of respect for you. It could be a lack of respect for any number of things: relationships, conformity, responsibility.
I suggest, before you waste any more of your time waiting around for him or stressing about the future of your relationship, you should sit down with him. Only this time, instead of talking about his tardiness, see if he actually wants a future with you.
If he doesnít correct the problem, do not give ultimatums; just decide if you are willing to put up with his disrespect or you need to end it, and then do what you must.
In a letter you received last October, ďBalding Bob from BrantfordĒ wrote to you about his receding hairline and the negative way women responded to it.
ďAside from the receding part of my head,Ē he wrote, ďthe rest of my hair is nearly down to my shoulders and looks great.Ē
Being in the same balding boat as poor Bob, my empathy went out to him. Assuming you were not in a position to prescribe Rogaine, I couldnít wait to see what you could possibly say to help.
Your response was: ďClinging desperately to the last of your long hairs is not doing you any good. Take the cue of the public figures whose hair recedes, and cut or shave it all off. Bald is very trendy.Ē
I was not impressed. Actually, I was ticked off. How dare you tell him to cut or shave the last of his hair! The real world is not made up of trendy movie stars.
I decided you didnít know what you were talking about. I tossed your column in the trash, planning never to read it again.
Then, I saw another copy on the table where I always sit in the lunchroom at work, then another at a friendís house and another, weeks later, on my sisterís coffee table. In every instance, the paper was opened to your column -- and that same issue.
After a little more persuasion, my sister broke out the clippers and gave me a brush cut worthy of any drill sergeant.
I was self-conscious at first, but within the first week I noticed people looking at me instead of the top of my head. The eye contact was incredible. And with the eye contact, I began asking women out, and they said yes.
Long story short, Bruce Willis has got nothing on me now. Iím not just single now -- Iím single and loving it.
Thanks. -- CHIC MAGNET CHUCK Ė CHATHAM
Good for you. Iím so glad things worked out for you. I donít claim to have all the answers, but in this case it pleases me to know that I was able to help.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed), e-mail Christine at: email@example.com
Originally published in The London Free Press on April 3, 2003.