I am 23, married to my 27-year-old husband for five years. He has been chatting with young girls online.
I have caught him numerous times, and it’s always the same thing. He’s sorry and says it’s only a game to him, but then he continues to do it. He works with a high school program and knows these 14 and 15-year-old girls in real life. I’ve recorded his conversations, and they are very disturbing.
He likes the attention, and teenage girls are attracted to him even though he’s more than ten years older and married with children. Recently, he told a girl that the only reason he’s married is because I got pregnant, which is true. He said we are best friends, and eventually we will “move on.”
The latter was news to me. When I confronted him, he claimed he had only said those things because he knew I was spying on him and wanted me to ‘fess up. Yeah, right.
He constantly says he loves me, and he’s a good husband in all other ways. He says it’s a harmless escape for him -- and how dare I spy on him. In a way I believe he’s just playing, but I cannot forget what he said about our marriage. If that’s how he feels, why does he stay? -- DISGUSTED – DETROIT, MI
“Gee officer, I only ran that red light to see if you were paying attention.” That makes about as much sense as your husband claiming to have written something inappropriate to a young girl to make you “‘fess up.”
How dare you spy on him? Huh! How dare he try to turn this around? I’m disgusted on so many levels, but this column only permits so much space.
Board games have suggested age ranges posted right on them; people do not because adults are supposed to know better.
Imagine if word of his behaviour gets out to parents or the authorities; or worse yet, assuming he doesn’t get caught in this perverted chat game, what if sooner or later he finds a girl who wants to try out her sexuality on an adult male?
Getting back to your question, “Why does he want to stay?” Sounds like he enjoys leading a double life.
If your husband doesn’t stop trying to have his cake and eat it too, he’s bound to get burned on some little girl’s E-Z Bake Oven.
If he won’t stop or seek help, I suggest you practice damage control by getting yourself and your child(ren) out of the proverbial kitchen.
I’m writing to you in regard to your column about the crushed solider and his girlfriend who left him. Your advice was great, and with my boyfriend posted in Petawawa, I thought I could add my perspective as a girlfriend of someone in the forces.
Firstly, I would like to clarify that the military is not a job; it is a lifestyle.
Exercises, courses, training, and peacekeeping tours account for a lot of time apart.
It is not uncommon for relationships to end due to the strain caused by separation. Loneliness and anxiety can be too much for some, as can the realization that you come second to the military.
Due to these factors, trust and communication take the utmost priority. Without these elements, a relationship can -- and often does -- fail.
I admire this soldier for all that he did for this relationship, and I’m sure that one day he will find the right girl to love. Please tell him that there are women who can maintain this type of relationship. He deserves that much for serving our country. -- IN LOVE WITH A SOLDIER – LONDON, ON
Dear In Love,
So right you are. All relationships need trust and communication, but the military life is certainly an extreme, as your comments illustrate. Thank you so much for giving us a glimpse into your perspective on this.
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