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Dear
Christine,
I’ve been spending a lot of time with a woman whom I like
very much. I want to ask her out, but I'm afraid she’ll turn me down because she’s told
me that she thinks of me as a brother. Do you have any thoughts about my predicament? --
NOT A BROTHER – GUELPH, ON
Dear Brother,
There
are worse things a woman you’re attracted to could say; I just can’t think of any right
now because I can’t shake the image of the cartoon character plummeting off the cliff out
of my head.
“I think of you as a brother” is just another way of saying
she’s not interested in dating you. People say such things to get their feelings across,
while at the same time keeping you from making any romantic advances that might cause
discomfort in the friendship.
Since she thinks of you like a brother, you
might as well forget dating her. Friendship is all she wants from you.
On the bright side, perhaps your “sister” can set you up with her
friends.
Dear Christine,
I breathed a great
sigh of relief when I read the letter last week from “Pretty Woman in North
York.” She said everything I've been wanting to but never could.
I
have not dated in years. Well, perhaps, I’d had the occasional rendezvous with someone I
dated previously, but I have not had a true boyfriend in almost a decade. So what’s the
problem?
I have reached the beginning of my 30s, and my friends are all
married and most have children. I am a professional with three degrees. But every Friday
and Saturday night you can find me watching TV with my mom. Sure, I could go out, but
with whom? Remember, my friends are all married, my two closest friends being prime
examples of putting aside all weekends and evenings to be with their spouses. Perhaps I
should stand on a street corner with a sign begging for new friends, with being single as
a prerequisite.
Although your advice to her was good, I question whether
it will be helpful. I always smile, sit straight, and make eye contact to let people know
I am approachable and available.
The point of the matter is—we've missed
the boat. We waited too long. I appreciate what North York is saying when she says that
people automatically think she is unavailable. People are shocked when they find out I’m
single. However, in the end, I am still sitting at home with my mother every Friday and
Saturday night. -- SITTING PRETTY WITH MOM – LONDON, ON
Dear Sitting
Pretty,
The standing on the street corner idea has already been
thought of. And unless you’re looking to mix business with pleasure, I don’t think it’s
quite what you need.
But seriously, it sounds like you’ve given up.
As a woman with three degrees, you’ve proven you aren’t a quitter. Don’t give up now.
Get out of the house. Go to singles’ dances and events. Open your eyes to new
opportunities and forget about old flames who couldn’t cut the mustard as
boyfriends.
If your closest friends are indeed putting aside all weekends
and evenings to be with their spouses, then it’s time for you to find some new friends.
Their priorities, as they should be, are with their families. But your priority is your
own contentment. This doesn’t mean you have to get rid of old friends—just become more
acquainted with other people who have more in common with you.
Do you
belong to any women’s groups or charity clubs? If not, join. If so, embrace this
potential new circle of friends.
Is Mom single? If so, go to a singles’
event together. If not, the two of you can still get out of the house on the
weekends.
There are no guarantees you’ll meet someone, but the odds are
better if you actually leave the house. There’s no romance in smiling, sitting straight,
and making eye-contact—with your TV.
Have a question, a thought, or a
story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at:
single@keynotebooks.com
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