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Dear Christine,
My boyfriend and I
read you all the time, and we love your honesty and the way you don’t pull any
punches.
I have been in a serious relationship for four years with a
married man. We see only each other; however, I was unfaithful recently. My only defense
is that I get lonely and sometimes feel abandoned because of our situation. I swore it
meant nothing to me—and I love only him—but he says he’ll never trust me again because
I’m a cheater. I say he’s the cheater because he’s been seeing me behind his wife’s
back. He says he’s not cheating on me—because she’s his wife.
We love each
other very much, and I’m sure we’ll work it out. What I want to know is: who do you think
is the cheater? -- M.J. – WINDSOR, ONTARIO
Dear
M.J.,
That’s your question?
I can think of a great
number of questions you should be asking. But since that’s your question, all I can say
is that this is like comparing apple pie and apple sauce and asking which is the truer
apple.
He is not your boyfriend; he’s someone else’s husband. This is not
a relationship; it’s a mockery. Who do I think is the cheater? You’re both cheaters,
and you deserve the torment you put each other through. I just pity the innocent in all
of this—his wife.
You say you like my honesty? Well, how do you like them
apples?
Dear Christine,
After two years
together, I noticed my boyfriend didn’t seem to be attracted to me anymore. After a long
discussion, he finally confessed he is gay. I was flabbergasted. Moreover, I was hurt
and angry to find out that our entire relationship was a lie.
He says he
doesn’t want to lose me, but I’m not sure our relationship can survive this betrayal.
Around other people, he acts like nothing has changed between us. He’s happy and relieved
to finally be out to me. I’m glad he’s happy, but I’m in so much pain.
I
can’t talk to anyone about this because he’s not ready to come out of the closet to the
rest of the world.
I don’t want to lose my best friend, but I feel
inadequate when I’m with him and lonely when I’m away from him. I almost wish he hadn’t
told me.
My boyfriend is gay. Even writing the words doesn’t seem real. I
feel so alone. How can I deal with this? -- DEVASTATED – UNDISCLOSED
LOCATION
Dear Devastated,
You’re both in pain
right now—you because you’ve been enormously deceived and him because he’s still living a
lie.
You have to face the facts. He’s not your gay boyfriend. He’s your
ex-boyfriend. He lived in denial; please don’t do the same thing.
As much
as his confession has devastated you, count your blessings that he came out before you
married him and had children. It happens.
Take some time away from him to
get on with your life. Maybe in time you can be friends again, but for now you need
space to recover.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share
(anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com
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