Fast Food Restaurant Prevents Certain Death
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HOLLAND, MI A local man escaped certain death by starvation on Wednesday as he stumbled into the Arby’s on the corner of Waverly and Chicago Drive and ordered a big beef and cheddar combo. The man, Dale Jennings, 46, of Holland, could barely speak because of his weakened state. Steve Vos, 16, the courageous young man who took the order that saved Jennings’ life, told reporters, “He came in here all, like, sick looking and stuff. He couldn’t talk. It was a good thing our value meals are, like numbered, so he could just, like, hold up four fingers.”

Jennings reportedly hadn’t eaten since Monday. His wife, Shirley, who is visiting her sister in New Jersey, had left him a large amount of goulash, but he miscalculated his portions and ate it too quickly. He was then left to fend for himself for the rest of the week. Since Jennings was completely unaware of how to prepare any of the food that his wife had purchased and stored in their home’s pantry, he had been surviving on a half-empty bag of potato chips that he’d found in a cupboard, a can of aerosol cheese, and some low-fat ice cream—which he had stopped eating after he ran out of clean spoons.

Had Jennings not seen the Arby’s on his way home from work, he could quite possibly have starved—or perhaps died of malnutrition.

Jennings is now quietly resting at home, with enough tasty Arby’s roast beef sandwiches in his refrigerator to last until his wife returns on Friday.

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