Road Trips and Theatre-Going
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Welcome, Camilla

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, recently visited the town of Crewe in Cheshire. A year ago the town’s now ex-Mayor, Maureen Grant, refused to fly the Union Jack to mark Camilla’s 58th birthday and reportedly made the comment: “Fly the flag to honour Camilla in this borough? Over my dead body! After what Charles and Camilla did to Diana, there is no way we should honour her in this way.” (Camilla has been added to the list of Royals honored in such a fashion by Buckingham Palace.)

A year later, the ex-Mayor hasn’t changed her views but thinks Camilla’s tour will be good for the town, saying, “It will be lovely for so many local children to meet her.”

Um, I guess she felt she should say something nice. But don’t ask for any flags to fly.

You Are What You Eat

While in Crewe, Camilla visited a school to support a healthy living campaign encouraging kids to eat fresh produce instead of junk food. Camilla donned an apron over her blue Robinson Valentine suit and, looking remarkably like Martha Stewart, chopped veggies with the kids and sampled a fruit smoothie.

The Duchess then visited an urban allotment (read: organic vegetable garden) in Cheshire when it began to rain, forcing Camilla to seek shelter in a potting shed where she had a cup of tea. (Hey, can we get tea in potting sheds around here?) When the rain let up, our heroine tramped through the muddy garden plots in her beige shoes. The gardener and his wife discussed the “huge” difference in taste between home-grown and supermarket produce with Camilla and were impressed by her knowledge of organic gardening.

She told a little girl to keep eating her vegetables, so the kid would not have to visit the doctor.

I would imagine the shoes are ruined.

Keep wowing ‘em, Camilla. You go, girl.

This is One Show that Musn’t Go On

“Kaprow City,” a play by Christoph Schlingensief, opened September 14 in Berlin. The play depicted a dwarf-like queen baking Swastika-shaped biscuits, animal blood thrown on an actress portraying Camilla, and a Diana in bed with two men with Down Syndrome. It also depicts a scene of Dodi Fayed eating a bag of chips while sitting in the driver’s seat of the smoking car wreck in the Paris tunnel where Diana was killed amid sound effects of vomiting, screams and screeching tires. The audience is also treated to an actor shaving his pubic hair on stage for reasons nobody can fathom as it is unknown whom he portrays, and a portrayal of the Queen giving a Nazi salute. The play concluded with Diana being wrapped in plastic when she died. Theatre critics panned the play as having no plot and making little sense.

People started walking out after only 12 minutes.

By the way, the playwright sent invitations to the play to Princes William and Harry, apparently because Harry once wore a Nazi uniform to a party.

The play is coming to London Frieze Art Fair in October under the name, “The Last Hour of Lady Diana.”

Schlingensief is releasing a film next August in time for the 10th anniversary of the death of Princess Diana and says that while it can probably never be clarified exactly what happened in Diana’s last hour, it fills him with “artistic inspiration.” He has “interesting information” that she really died in London and reconstructs this new “truth.”

Okay. Give me a minute on my soapbox. As much as I poke fun at the Royals, some things are just wrong. I think Mr. Schlingensief is one sick SOB. While everyone may have his or her own interpretation of art, this jerk’s “art” is twisted and disgusting. Anyone patronizing this guy’s play after its Berlin debut needs his or her head examined; all this nut needs is an audience. Even those opposed to the Monarchy would surely find this “work of art” in very poor taste, to say the least.

A Change in Holiday Plans

For those of you planning on spending Christmas with the Royal Family at their Sandringham estate, make a note that the 79-year-old Sandringham tradition is being broken, and this year’s festivities will be held at Windsor Castle.

Supposedly, William and Harry find the Sandringham estate (covering more than 20,000 acres) too small, even though William and his girlfriend stayed in their own cottage on the estate last year. Despite its size, the estate is isolated and the young Royals feel cut off. Last Christmas Charles and Camilla took off for Scotland right after the main holiday festivities were over.

To see this apparently too small estate, visit

File under: It’s More Fun at Windsor.

Don’t You Know Who I Am?

While in Scotland, Prince Charles endeavored at the last minute to get tickets to “Black Watch” at the National Theatre of Scotland, but the production was sold out, and the theatre wouldn’t give Charles any special treatment. In fact, they told him to come back next year when the play returned to give them more time to arrange for the tickets.

How very mortifying.

That’s it for now. Take some time to recoup from this whirling dervish of Royal scuttlebutt and check in again next month.

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