Man Rushed to Hospital Following Ice Cream Emergency
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BENSON, AZ James Austin, a Benson barber, is peacefully resting in Benson Community Hospital in stable condition after sustaining a serious ice cream headache yesterday evening.

Austin had taken his wife and children out to Scooper’s Soda Fountain for a treat to celebrate oldest son Jimmy’s baseball team’s big win (and that Jimmy didn’t even get hurt in the process). It had been a long day for Austin, and he was quite hungry—and he was seriously craving a triple scoop of Double Chocolate Caramel Peanut Butter Goober ice cream. So when he finally got his ice cream, he made a huge mistake: he ate too hastily.

And gradually, it came upon him. First just a slight feeling of discomfort. Then a quick jolt of pain, followed by a long, drawn-out, torturous suffering. The unbearable anguish refused to go away.

Austin’s eyes began to bulge to a cartoonish magnitude as he let out a deafening “AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

He clutched his cranium as the agony continued, hoping that maybe the increased pressure on his head would squeeze the pain away. And as he did a little dance, spinning and thrashing and screaming, his wife and children looked on in fear, convinced that their dear husband and father had finally lost it.

But Scooper’s Manager on Duty Roland Winters came to Austin’s rescue. He had seen this before—though never this seriously—and he had learned in managers’ training how to relieve the suffering. Thinking quickly—as any good manager should—he ordered his employees to call an ambulance as he ran to Austin’s side, armed with the Emergency Ice Cream Headache Kit. And while the hot water and tranquilizers and painkillers lessened the pain momentarily, Austin’s grief continued until the medical professionals came to his aid.

After being treated in the ambulance, Austin was rushed to the hospital, where he was treated further. Said Dr. Julia Derderian, “I’ve never seen such a serious case of this before. I’m just glad that young man acted so quickly—and we could treat Mr. Austin in time. If he had waited, something serious could have happened. His brain could have completely froze. Or his whole head could have exploded. Mr. Austin is very fortunate.”

Austin is grateful to Winters and the entire ambulance staff for being able to spare his life. Winters has since been promoted to Assistant Manager.

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