I'll Have Bacon With My Eggs, But No Swine Flu
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If it is quite alright with you, I prefer not to have any Swine Flu today. Several thick slabs of hickory-smoked bacon and a couple of sunny-side-up eggs would be nice, with a heaping helping of hash browns and several slices of buttered toast on the sideóbut no Swine Flu, if you please.

And you canít have a good Saturday-morning breakfast without a tall, steaming cup of golden roast, 100 percent Arabica, freshly-ground coffee, with enough milk and sugar to turn it into a coffee-flavored celebration. But add a little bit of Swine Flu to the mix, and the partyís over.

Iím so glad that our president has started referring to this disease as the H1N1 virus. Pigs donít deserve to be so maligned. I suppose mad cows deserve to have an ailment named after them, but Iíll stick up for pigs any day of the week because I really enjoy bacon.

I once tried to cook pigs feet for my family, but it turned into a disaster. I thought you were supposed to boil the pigs feet, pull off all the meat, and turn it into a casseroleóbut thatís not how it works. I boiled the pigs feet (I had a dozen), pulled off the meat (the amount of which barely filled a teaspoon), then threw the whole stinkiní mess away and fixed a nice tuna casserole instead.

I donít have any pigs. I suppose, if I did, Iíd be giving them a leery eye right about now. Instead, I have goats. Goats donít have a disease named after them. If they did, I bet it would be something like Goat Tongue.

ďOh, Bill, I donít feel good,Ē said the good wife upon waking on a Saturday morning. ďI think Iíve got Goat Tongue.Ē

ďNot the dreaded Goat Tongue,Ē said her good husband, hoping this wouldnít spoil his Saturday-morning breakfast of bacon and eggs. ďHere, stick out your tongue, and let me see.Ē

The good wife moans and groans, sticks out a tongue, all hairy and with horns, and almost faints in the process.

ďNope, looks okay to me,Ē said her good husband. ďCan I have three eggs this morning? Iím really hungry.Ē

I feel sorry for pigs. Theyíre not the prettiest animals on the planet, and now theyíre getting a lot of bad press. And why the Jews donít like them, I havenít a clue. But, boy, do they taste good. And whether it be sizzling in a frying pan, roasted over a slow fire, or sliced for my Sunday afternoon sandwich, I shall forever be thankful for the existence of pigs.

But if itís okay with you, Iíll skip having Swine Flu. It doesnít sound very appetizing.

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