Independence Day Is on the 4th This Year
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This month’s edition of Stolen from the Headlines has the usual suspects: a bank robber whose getaway plans involved calling a cab, a superhero from Cleveland who claimed to have been born on Krypton, a hot dog eating contest promoter who fears it may be just a little too hot this year, and a Russian guy who made do with only 27 girls in his apartment.

Lois Lane Has Been Called
Originally reported by United Press International

Ohio officials are trying to come up with a Superman license plate slogan that does not say “Birthplace of Superman.” State officials wanted to celebrate the 75th anniversary of the Man of Steel, but DC Comics objected to the “birthplace” slogan, as they feared it might cause confusion about the fictional character’s being born on Krypton.

In related news, a Cleveland group that claims to have been to Superman’s birthplace on Krypton will march on Cleveland in protest, as they become agitated whenever Superman is treated as only a comic book character.

They plan to meet at The Daily Planet.

No Saturday Night Special
Originally reported by United Press International

Local police have reported that a suspect in a New Jersey bank robbery was arrested while waiting for a cab after his getaway car ran out of gas.

Steve Mercado, 32, was arrested Thursday and charged with armed robbery after allegedly holding up the Susquehanna Bank in Vineland with a garden hose spray nozzle.

Police said Mercado entered the bank at 1:23 p.m. and gave a teller a demand note.

“Although no weapon was displayed, the note indicated that the suspect had one on him,” police said in a release.

Sounds like the standard garden hose spray nozzle stick-up.

It Must Be Summer: A Hot Dog Story
Originally reported by United Press International

George Shea, Head of Major League Eating, says that pushing back the start time of this year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest in New York could change the results.

The heat “should make it much more difficult” to break Joey Chestnut’s world record of 68 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes, the New York Post reported.

Chestnut will be competing for his sixth Mustard Belt this year, which would tie him with Takeru Kobayashi, the Japanese eating superstar, who was banned from last year’s contest over a contract dispute. He was arrested when he bounded up on the stage during the event.

Mustard Belt fever runs high in New York in the summertime; the contestants will be lining up on the 4th of July—and their handlers will be carrying the bicarbonate.

Digging Women
Originally reported by United Press International

NIZHNY NOVGOROD, Russia: The government newspaper, Rossiyskaya Gazeta, reports that Russian police arrested a 45-year-old man who had 27 women in his apartment.

It turns out that Mr. Popularity had only the (alleged) mummified remains of 27 women in his apartment.

It’s also being reported that he dug up the 27 women at various cemeteries and put dresses on them.

The man is a historian who was planning to write a guide book on cemeteries, but now he faces desecration charges.

The book tour has been postponed.

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