Local Boy Rescued from Perilous Snare

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DEPEW, NY Ten-year-old Brandon Bunte enjoyed watching the latest Kevin James movie. The first time.



He said he liked it the second and third time too. But since then, he’s pretty much hated it.



Because for the last three days, Brandon has been trapped in the movie theater, unable to do anything but eat popcorn and watch Here Comes the Boom.



It began when Brandon first saw that the movie was coming out. He was so excited! He bugged and bugged his mom. He couldn’t wait to go and see it! He begged his mom to take him. He even took out the trash. And he ate his Brussels sprouts. And he was very nice to his sister. He figured it couldn’t hurt, since Santa was keeping an eye on him anyway.



So finally, his mother agreed to take him and two of his friends to the movie. They were so excited! They even got to go to the Burger Shack for Super Kiddie Meals before the movie. It just didn’t get any better than this.



And then they went to the movie. Oh, the action! The adventure! The giant bucket of popcorn! They—like every other child in the theater—cheered and laughed and made all kinds of noise. And when it was over, Brandon stood up to leave. But he couldn’t move. He discovered that, within the course of the movie, his feet had stuck to the movie theater floor, and there was no removing them. His friends tried to pull his feet away. So did his mom. So did some other kid’s dad. But no one could get him free. His feet weren’t going anywhere.



Brandon was trapped. He couldn’t free himself. And while his mom tried to find a way to get him out, Brandon was forced to watch Here Comes the Boom repeatedly. At first it seemed like a pretty good idea. But he was wrong. For some reason, the whole thing just seems pretty stupid to him now.



Finally, late last night, Brandon was rescued from his nightmarish prison by a member of the cleaning crew, who cleaned the floor around him with Ultra-Super Theater Floor Cleaner. Unfortunately, the cleaner also ate the soles of his shoes—and he may eventually develop respiratory problems because of it—but he’s finally free.



When asked why it took so long, the unidentified theater staff member said, “We only clean those floors once a year. We had to special-order the cleaner.”



Upon leaving, Brandon said that he would never again—not in a million years—watch another Kevin James movie.

About Post Author

kdk

Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it. Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course. As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com). Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.

kdk@nightsandweekends.com

http://www.NightsAndWeekends.com

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kdk

Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.

Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.

As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).

Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.

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