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Dear
Christine,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years
and we are very happy with each other.
Sadly, his father died recently,
and now he and his siblings are fighting over the will. I understand this is a difficult
time for him, but I am very eager for us to move in together and move forward with our
relationship. How can I mention this without him viewing it as just another pressure in
his life? — WANNABE COMMON-LAW – WINDSOR, ON
Dear
Wannabe,
There’s no way to bring up the topic of moving in together at
this time without appearing selfish because it is selfish of you to even consider piling
more stress on him.
It’s understandable that you want to be close to your
boyfriend, especially in this time of mourning. However, given his vulnerable state, this
in not the time for you to push. It’s the time to comfort him, stand by him, even give
him some space if that’s what it takes to prove you’re worthy of a future with
him.
He’s already lost a father. If you were to bring this up now, he
might feel pressured that if he doesn’t accommodate your wishes, you could leave him,
too. If you do get what you want under these circumstances, you’ll never know his true
motivation.
Give it a few months. Then you’ll be more certain he’s making
a well thought out decision and not a panicked one.
Dear
Christine,
My girlfriend of seven months is leaving the country for a
year to do volunteer work oversees. I really like her, and I don’t know if I can handle a
long-distance relationship.
We’re both in our early 20s. This is first
love for both of us. Should we try to stay together or see other people? — MISSING HER
ALREADY – LONDON, ON
Dear Missing
Her,
Interesting how you refer to yourselves as first loves. Doesn’t
“first” imply there’ll be a second or even more loves in your
lives?
You’re young. It isn’t necessary to proclaim undying love at your
age or at this early stage of a relationship. This is the time in your lives when you
should both be free and adventurous. Nothing is stopping you from staying in touch. If
you’re meant to be together, it can wait until you’re sure.
When one
person travels, furthers education, or embarks on a new career, he or she is bound to be
changed by the new environment or circumstances. Also, since you’re both so young,
you’re sure to go through a great deal of everyday changes and growing
pains.
You’ll often hear older people say “Youth is wasted on the young.”
Don’t fall into that cliché.
And as someone older and wiser than you and I
once said, “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours. If they
don’t, they never were.”
Dear
Christine,
Thank you for your comments to “Betrayed” in your last column. You
unveiled bogus excuses like a mid-life crisis as no defence for cheating on a spouse. I
couldn’t agree more.
Too many people (especially men) pull these lame
excuses out of the air in a futile effort to justify breaking sacred
vows.
Keep telling it like it is. — A RESPONSIBLE MAN – LONDON,
ON
Dear Responsible Man,
From school
projects and exams to infidelity in romantic relationships, studies show men cheat almost
twice as much as women. Also, men have a much greyer opinion on the actual definition of
cheating. Nevertheless, I believe we all need to be accountable as individuals. Whether
it’s a man or woman pleading “mid-life crisis” or claiming “My spouse doesn’t understand
me” defence, you’re right. It’s inexcusable.
Have a question, a
thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at:
single@keynotebooks.com
