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Dear Christine,
As
much as I delight in reading most of your advice, I was disappointed with your response
to “Exhausted Friend
– Brandon, Manitoba.”
Exhausted said she was tired of hearing the
complaints of her pal who was living with a verbally abusive, two-timing man, and though
she has offered to help her friend leave this man numerous times, the victim doesn’t
leave.
The “ball,” as you say, is not in the victim’s
court.
Abuse is about control, taking the spirit physically and mentally
out of their victims. The abused woman will doubt everything she does and says because
her abuser has convinced her she is worthless and that the abuse is somehow her
fault.
Please ask Exhausted not to give up, but instead just to listen, be
there, and continue to offer help. Her friend needs her and will eventually realize
through constant support that it is possible to get out. The victim needs to want help
and believe she deserves a better life.
Advise her, too, of the support
offered in her city and that abuse is not tolerated in our great
country.
With Exhausted’s patience and strength, the situation will
change, and this time in their lives will be a memory they can sadly and joyfully look
back on. The rewards of a life-long friendship are never forgotten. — EILEEN – LONDON,
ONTARIO
Dear Eileen,
Thank you for your
opinion.
I do hope the girlfriends remain close. I do not, however, agree
they both should have to suffer the abuse of one man. Friendship is a two-way street. The
victim may not have a choice (in her own mind), but Exhausted does.
As you
described, being a victim can sometimes be like an addiction–in which case, no one can
help. Victims must first help themselves. Rehashing the same woeful stories without
action is only serving to alienate the friendship. If the abused friend distances
herself simply because Exhausted won’t discuss this one topic, then she is clearly not
ready to be helped or to be a good friend.
I will take your advice and
send some support info to Exhausted to pass on to her abused friend. In the meantime, I
just hope they can agree to live outside the dysfunctional relationship and get on to
happier times.
Dear Christine,
Just
thought I’d share a trick I’ve used when checking out a woman.
I look at
her mother—because that’s how she’ll probably be 25 years down the road. Then I observe
her relationship with her father—because that indicates how she’ll treat
men.
Ladies can flip it around when checking out guys. It’s so close
to accurate
it’s scary. — GORDON STAMP – EDMONTON, ALBERTA
Dear
Gordon,
Thank you for your insight. Now that you mention it, I’ve
noticed that men seem to fall hopelessly in love with me right after having met my
mom.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity
guaranteed)? Email Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com
