Christmas Recipes on Top Chef

World famous foodie/ex-con Martha Stewart stormed the stage of TOP CHEF this week for the quick fire challenge, sending contestants scrambling to create Martha-worthy grub with only one pan. Ariane, who’s finally found her confidence in the kitchen, took the win and got an autographed cookbook from Martha. Jamie, who came in second place for the millionth time, rolled her eyes so hard she nearly fainted.



For the main challenge, the chefs had to create an appetizer based on a line from the famous Christmas carol, “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” I’ve included a special TOP CHEF edition of my own to get you in the mood. Feel free to sing along:

ON LAST EPISODE OF CHAOS, MY TOP CHEF GAVE TO ME

TWELVE SHARP KNIVES

ELEVEN MORE CONTESTANTS

TEN POTS-A-BOILING

NINE CHEFS-A-RUNNING

EIGHT CHICKS-A-CHOPPING

SEVEN SNARKY DIGS

SIX GEESE-A-FRYING

FIVE (cups of) GRATED CHEESE

FOUR SWEAR WORDS

THREE CATFIGHTS

TWO FOREIGN ACCENTS

AND PADMA IN A TIGHT SKIRT



Chefs were generally baffled by the limited instructions, but they were rushed off to the grocery store before they could ask any questions—or run for it. Day two featured a faulty fridge and two chefs’ ruined food. In an unexpected Christmas miracle, all eleven competitive, bloodthirsty, egotistical cooks united to remake the lost dishes. It was heartwarming (how boring).



Unfortunately, even with all the extra work, judges were disappointed in every attempt at the Christmas Carol menu, like Leah’s “French Hens” on a piece of pastry and Ariane’s deviled “Geese-a-Laying” eggs. Even the more creative approaches like Stefan’s little pastry rounds for “Drummers Drumming” and Eugene’s “Five Golden” pineapple rings hardly merited lukewarm nods.



Hosea’s smoked pork dish was good enough to win for the week, but soon after the announcement, chefs had a team huddle with angry coach Tom Colicchio in the back room. “Make the kind of food that got you here,” he begged. “No more bad dishes! I mean, are you really going to win this competition making a deviled egg?” Ouch, Ariane!



After his mini-rant, Tom decided to grant everyone a stay of execution for the week. The fridge disaster and the uplifting story about the unprompted assistance in the kitchen spared all eleven chefs for another week. Thankful competitors shared hugs and handshakes, but will it change the way they cook? Will we finally see something that makes Padma moan or Tom’s shiny head glow with delight?



We’ll find out on New Years Eve, when they battle it out in a “No Limits” cooking challenge. The evil twist this time? A new ego on the TOP CHEF set: an unappeasable, snarky new judge who tells it like it is. Oh yes, this is going to be good!