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Burden of Guilt

maryann September 19, 2004
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Read Time:2 Minute, 12 Second

I have a

library book sitting on my dresser and it’s seriously overdue, yet I’m hesitant to return

it because my dog chewed the book. I don’t mean he chewed a little corner. He chewed

three corners, some pages and tore the dust jacket. See, I irresponsibly left the book on

the floor beside the bed, never thinking the dog would chew on it because he’s never

bothered chewing on any of my other books before—the ones I actually own. And you know,

when I checked out the book, I admired its almost brand-new condition and noted the care

with which the dust jacket was applied.

Oh, the shame! The guilt! How can

I ever show my face at the town library again? This is a small town library. The

librarians don’t ask for my library card, even though I have one, because they know all

the people who use the library. It’s not like I can dump the books in the book returns

box outside the library and walk away guilt-free; oh, no. They’re going to know who I am.

They’re going to be able to relate my face to my name. They’ll look up my name on their

computer and say, “Oh, her. She’s the coward who returned the damaged book by dumping it

in the book return box, thinking we won’t know who she is.” And the other library people

will gather around the computer, nod their heads gravely and say, “Oh, yeah. We know

her.”

What do I do? Do I pull a dump-and-run and take the risk? Do I

take the book to the front desk clutching an offering of cash, eyes teary, and beg for

forgiveness? Maybe this isn’t the biggest problem a person could have, but this weighs on

my conscience. I don’t deserve my library card. I should surrender it and save myself the

embarrassment of having it revoked. They’ll probably have my picture in the little post

office next door, amongst the other felons. They’ll hang a note up on the library wall by

the front desk for all to see, like the notes they hang at cash registers in retail

stores: “Do not accept checks from…” only their note will say “Do not lend books

to…”

I know I should just bite the bullet, return the book to the

library, own up to my irresponsibility as a borrower and accept my punishment. Okay,

that’s what I’ll do. Right now, while I have the guts. Be right back.

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maryann

maryann@nightsandweekends.com
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