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In 1990, the legendary games designer and self-designed director Chris
Roberts took the world by storm when he released the classic game, Wing
Commander. His innovative use of cut-scenes drove him to produce Wing
Commander 2, 3, 4, Prophecy and Privateer. I, for one, have been hooked
since I got a medal for one of my missions in Wing Commander 2. That shiny
little bunch of pixels almost brought a tear to my eye.
And then he released this crap.
You might have guessed already that I didn’t think much of Chris Roberts’
first and, presumably last, experiment into the world of movie production. I
felt like a guinea-pig, pushing the boundries of human movie endurance as
$25 million worth of sheer crap oozed out onto the screen before my very
eyes.
This film isn’t all terrible, mind. The intro sequence, complete with a
wonderful CGI map of known space and JFK quotes galore set the film up to be
a stunner. The orchestral score (Kevin Kiner/David Arnold) was truly
inspirational — all the signs of a ‘classic’ movie.
So in some ways, Wing Commander: The Movie is an architect of it’s own
downfall. After all this expectation, frankly piss-poor acting and writing
blew it into my much-hallowed ‘Top Ten Worst Plots’ list. It’s currently
occupying the number 2 slot, just behind Death Race 2000 (which is a
genuinely brilliant film, nevertheless).
I’d explain the plot to you, but I’m not sure where I’d begin. It really is
that disorganised. Various sub-plots are opened up (such as the story of the
first space explorers, the Pilgrims, who were persecuted into
near-extinction), but are never closed. It’s almost as if Roberts got so
angry with the inspirationally bad acting performances from Freddie Prinze,
Jr. and Matthew Lillard, he resorted to taking a pair of scissors to the film
one night.
The basic synopsis is:
Confederation = Good Guys
Kilrathi = Bad Guys
Confederation destroy Kilrathi.
The end.
Anyone who played the games should steer well clear of this film. No justice
is done to any of the characters or species, and not one of the big-name
actors from the games made the transition to the film. Chris Roberts should
go back to doing what he does best — designing games. The question is, can
he recover from the implosion of the Wing Commander movie?
There’s that tear in my eye again.
