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Dear Christine,
I have had an intense crush on a painfully shy guy for months now. I’m dying to ask him out, but at the same time, I’m afraid he’ll turn me down. What if he’s not interested? What if I come on too strong and scare him off? On the other hand, if I do nothing, how will I ever get his attention?
What can I do? — SHEILA – BRANTFORD, ON
Dear Sheila,
You couldn’t have asked this at a more opportune time, as I recently received a letter from a male reader known as “Blade”.
Blade has some very strong opinions on this topic that may shed some light on the male perspective for you.
“If women have interest in a man, why can’t they approach him and express it? It is the new millennium, so why aren’t attitudes towards mating changing? Are men still expected to pursue the mate of their choice?
“Frankly I’m tired of expressing interest in women only to be turned down. Why can’t the tables turn in my direction? I’m not waiting for a supermodel to ask me out, but I’d like to be with a woman I’m attracted to who wants to get to know me. Do us single men a favour and tell your female readers that we’re waiting for them to ask us out.”
Sheila, I’m with Blade on this one. No guts, no glory. Ask him out, and if he’s not interested, you can move on without regrets.
Dear Christine,
What are men and women in our late 30s to do in this day and age? How do singles meet each other? I think the bar scene is too young and overdone by all of us, so now what?
I’ve decided to try online dating, even signed up for a couple of paid sites. They haven’t worked well, so I’ve stuck with a free one. Guess what? The freebie has the most action!
Here’s the problem: there is no online dating etiquette. I think there should be guidelines to be followed. For example, when I’m contacted, I always take the time to respond, even if it’s a “thanks but no thanks”. The other person took the time to say hello; it’s only common courteousy to briefly respond. I’ve met a number of men, a lot of whom were very nice. I actually am in contact with a few of them almost daily. I’ve had a few coffees and been stood up once. So here is the next question: why would you stand someone up if you’ve spent numerous hours on the computer and the phone with him or her?
At this point, pictures should have been exchanged, and you each know what the other looks like and know quite a bit about each other, unless you’ve lied or sent a picture of someone else.
Let’s face it — we are all online to meet someone, and we all know what we what from it, whether it be long term, casual, hetero or homosexual, phone/cyber sex.
Be honest with the person you’re conversing with about your wants and needs and who you really are.
I have a suggestion to you. Let’s — with the help of your readers — make up an online etiquette list. I’ll start because I have two.
- Be respectful and courteous to the others.
- If you make a date, follow through with it (or at least contact the person to let them know that you’ve changed your mind).
Dear SG,
I’ve been receiving a great deal of letters on the topic of cyber-dating. Let’s see what we can do.
You heard the lady; let me know what you’d like to add to our Single in the City netiquette list.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com.
First printed in The London Free Press on January 30, 2003.
