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Dear Christine,
It’s been eight months since I caught
my girlfriend cheating with my best friend, and I can’t get over their betrayal. I can’t
forgive or forget. The only way for me to move past this is to seek some sort of
retribution. Please don’t tell me revenge is not the answer. I have to do something. How
can I burn them back?
Thanks to them, I am cynical and totally alone. I
have no girlfriend and no best friend. I’m lost without them and have no life. What can I
do? — DOUBLY DUMPED – LACOMBE, ALTA
Dear
Dumped,
Get a new life. Get new friends. Get a new
girlfriend.
I know, getting a life is not like shopping for new shoes, but
you have to stop dwelling on spilt milk and start living again.
As for the
best friend, with friends like him, who needs enemas? And the girlfriend was obviously a
Jezebel who was not worthy of you. Face it: you didn’t lose them. You never had
them.
I think you’ve expended enough energy on them, and I don’t think you
should waste any more time on revenge. But, if you are determined to make them suffer the
wrath of your vengeance, the best way to burn them back is to take something fabulous
away from them: yourself.
Dear Christine,
My
relationship with my boyfriend was great for three years. Then, about four months ago, my
life became overwhelmed with stress (work lay-off, no money, concern about mortgage
payments, etc.). I found myself unintentionally taking my frustrations out on our
relationship. We stopped talking about anything significant. Our conversations have been
reduced to the weather and TV.
We’re both in our late twenties. He loves
me more than anyone ever has. As far as he’s concerned, we are destined to be together
forever.
I’m not so sure anymore. I don’t even know if I love still him.
We haven’t made love in weeks, and we hardly even kiss anymore. Sadly, I don’t really
miss it.
My friends say if I break up with him, I’ll regret it for the
rest of my life. How can I know if we should break up? — SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? –
TORONTO, ON
Dear Should I,
“How can you know?”
Tough question. Let’s start with a few easier questions.
How were things
before the financial troubles? Were you happy then? Did the lack of conversation and
intimacy occur before or after your added stresses?
When bad weather
approaches, it’s a natural instinct to run for cover. Perhaps since you can’t run from
economic responsibilities, you’re running from your boyfriend.
Your letter
spoke volumes about your problems, but you never once mentioned his feelings or opinions
in the past tense. It sounds like he still loves you enough to want to spend his life
with you despite the problems.
Also, you didn’t mention living
arrangements. If you live together, have you stopped to think that he is surely as
stressed as you are? As a couple, you should be working together to get through
this.
If you don’t live with him, there’s no shame in asking for his help
as a sounding board and a shoulder. But in order to do that, you have to open up and let
him in.
Whether he’s the one for you is ultimately up to you. Just don’t
make a panicked decision that will affect the rest of your life.
Nothing
can kill romance like a bill collector; therefore, you must put your best efforts into
communicating and being more romantic. If, after genuine attempts to rekindle your
relationship, you still feel this way, then maybe you would be better off
apart.
There’s an old saying: When the going gets tough, the tough get
going.
It can be taken two ways. It’s up to you how you want to apply it
to your current situation.
Have a question, a thought, or a story
to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at:
single@keynotebooks.com
