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Dear Christine,
After four years
of marriage, my wife has become unaffectionate and irritable. When I tell her I’m feeling
neglected, she pulls away more, telling me that she needs time alone. I try to give her
space, but no matter how far I back off, it’s not enough.
I think
the only reason she does not want to end the relationship is because I am a dependable
stepfather for her kids, a good provider, and a comfortable companion for her – when she
sees fit to spend time with me.
I am not the needy type, but I would like
to be touched, told I am wanted, or maybe just kissed goodnight once every couple of
weeks.
She says we have a good ‘business’ relationship. I want to be
loved and appreciated as a man.
What are the odds if I get out of this
marriage that I’ll find someone who loves me and feels passion for me? Or should I learn
to live in this relationship of convenience so that I don’t have to be alone? — UNLOVED
HUSBAND – BRANTFORD, ON
Dear Unloved,
We all
need a certain amount of personal space to stay revitalized. And in relationship
situations, a little time to ourselves enables us to return to our partners stronger.
Sadly, your wife is taking time for herself but not returning with consideration to your
needs for a loving bond.
Your needs are not too much to ask. If
anything, they are too little. One kiss every couple weeks?!
You say
you’re worried about being alone? As lonely as you are with your wife, you might as well
be alone. This “relationship of convenience” doesn’t sound very convenient for
you.
You and she obviously have different views of what a marriage
should be. Perhaps counselling would help you convey your feelings and help her regain
the romance.
If nothing else, you might both gain the strength to move
on and seek out your individual wants and needs.
Dear
Christine,
I feel as though my heart is being torn apart. I have two
possible men to choose from. The first is bright, mature, and very much like me. We share
common interests, hopes, and dreams.
The second is younger than
me. We share some of the same ideals and interests, although sometimes I get the feeling
that I am a transitional girl for him. Even though I think he has some wild oats to sow,
he excites me, and my heart pounds at the mere thought of him.
The first
guy has already gone through his wild stage, and it’s like we are on the same levels in
our lives. The second is spontaneous and unpredictable – qualities which I
crave.
It’s time for me to settle down, but I don’t want to have to
choose. Can I keep them both? — TORN BETWEEN TWO LOVERS – NIAGARA FALLS, NY
Dear Torn Between Two Lovers,
The 70s song that you’ve
named yourself after goes like this: “Torn between two lovers, feelin’ like a fool.
Loving both of you is breaking all the rules.”
The reason I’m quoting
the song is because the answer you’d get from most people, about keeping both of them,
would be NO! Most would say the obvious choice would be to stay with the first man
because he’s more dependable. But since a curious tug of your heartstrings – or hormones
– has caused you to consider the second man, I don’t think you’re ready to embark on a
long-term relationship with either one of them.
Who says it’s time for
you to settle down?
There’s nothing wrong with playing the field, as
long as you are honest about your intentions. Settling down to a committed relationship
should be about meeting the right person who can keep you content for life and not about
some obscure date on a calendar. Don’t feel that you have to commit yourself to Mr.
Right-Now, when Mr. Right may still be out there.
Settling down should
not mean “settling.”
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share
(anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com
