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Dear Christine,
My
ex-boyfriend wants desperately to get back with me.
The reason we broke up
was because I thought he was cheating. Other women phone him constantly. He says he would
never cheat on me, but I don’t believe him.
I love him so much, but I
can’t be with someone I can’t trust. My suspicion escalated to the point where I peeked
over his shoulder and saw his answering machine code, and I call and check his messages.
I’ve also checked his mailbox and found letters from his ex-girlfriend
begging him to come back to her. Needless to say, I destroyed the letters and didn’t tell
him about them. He’s obviously encouraging her in some way. And he has the audacity to
get angry because I don’t trust him.
I accuse him everyday of cheating. I
want to be with him, but I just can’t trust him. — SUE – HAMILTON, ON
Dear Sue,
I’m more concerned about your
behaviour than his alleged behaviour.
It’s hard to say for sure if he’s a
cheater. But it’s plain to see that you have become a stalker. Do the terms ‘criminal
trespass’ or ‘federal offence’ mean anything to you?
In order to maintain
any relationship, trust is only one of the crucial ingredients needed. Yet I don’t see
any leap of faith coming from your direction. Plus, if he’s your ex, why are you
spying on him? Is it because he desperately wants to get back with
you?
You need to spend less time on covert operations and more time
building your self-esteem.
I’m not saying he hasn’t cheated on you, and
I’m not saying he has. But let’s look at this from both
sides:
- If this ex-boyfriend did cheat on you, then you did the
right thing in breaking up, and now it’s time to move on.
- If he was faithful,
nothing will ever convince you of it. So, since you’ve already made up your mind about
him, you need to get over him and move on.
Dear
Christine,
My fiancée committed suicide a few months ago. I miss her
so much it hurts. As much as I’ve tried to move on, I can’t escape the
coulda-woulda-shouldas.
Everyone tells me that there was nothing I could
have done differently, and now I not only feel guilty for not having been there for her,
but I also feel selfish for making her death about me by wallowing in my own
grief.
But why shouldn’t I feel sorry for myself for having lost the
most wonderful woman who ever walked the Earth?
I know there’s nothing
you can do. I guess I just thought if I vented a little I might feel better. Thanks for
listening. — ENGANGED TO AN ANGEL – PORT HURON, MI
Dear
Engaged,
This is truly one of the most engaging letters I’ve ever
received. My heart is aching for you and your loss. But I feel strangely peaceful and
confident that you will get through this because you have a good soul.
I
could spout a dozen clichés about how it’s better to have loved and lost than never to
have loved at all, but instead I think professional counselling would help you
more.
In London, we have bereavement counselling through private
practices or through
non-profit agencies like The London Interfaith Counselling
Centre (519-434-0077 or www.licc.on.ca). I’m sending
you a list of grief counsellors and support groups in your area.
Above all, please know that you’re not alone. The Internet and yellow pages are full of
options for people just like you who have lost loved ones.
Who’s to
say why she took her own life, but the wonderful woman you’ve lost would surely want you
to live on and be happy.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to
share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com
