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Dear
Christine,
I’m in love with a married woman.
We were
together before she got married, breaking up and getting back together countless times
over the past decade.
In the middle of one of our break-ups, I got someone
else pregnant. The woman I love married another man because she was angry and hurt. She
says that she loves her husband, but she is “in love” with me. She’s scared to come back
to me because she thinks I might leave her for the mother of my child.
I
told the child’s mother that I will take care of my responsibility and never abandon
either one of them, but I don’t want to be with her.
Should I continue
trying to be with my ex? We have both made wrong decisions, but we still love each other.
— CAN’T STOP THINKING OF HER – LONDON, ON
Dear
Can’t,
You must.
No matter how you feel about each
other, married people are strictly off limits.
Quite honestly, it sounds
more like infatuation than love. Love is about respect and trust. Infatuation is selfish
and flighty.
Getting over her will be tough, but if you couldn’t make it
work after 10 years, chances are it wasn’t meant to be.
I can’t help
wondering if she would marry a man out of spite, what else might she
do?
You are no longer two footloose people who are drawn to each other.
She is a wife and you are a father—and you need to follow the paths you’ve set out for
yourselves. Your priorities must shift to being a parent and hers to being a wife. Now
is not the time for regrets or back-pedaling. There’s no point lamenting her marriage to
another man or the unexpected arrival of your baby.
The pregnancy may have
been a mistake, but the result is not only your responsibility, but also your family.
Your ex’s marriage, like so many others, may not last forever, but you and your child are
bound till death do you part.
Dear
Christine,
This may sound ridiculous, but I haven’t been asked out
in months. And I get asked out rarely because I’m too pretty.
Don’t get
me wrong; I’m not complaining about my looks. In fact, it’s thanks to my appearance that
I was able to pay my way through college with modeling jobs.
My mom
says that men are intimidated by my good looks and independence. My friends say I’m too
shy around men. My dad says men are probably afraid that I’ll be too high maintenance.
Everyone has opinions as to why I spend my Saturday nights alone. What I’d like to know
is if you have any suggestions for how I can make myself more datable. — PRETTY WOMAN –
NORTH YORK, ON
Dear Pretty Woman,
I’m sure
eyes are rolling and the words “poor baby” are on the tips of many readers’ tongues.
Nevertheless, I’ll do my best with your dilemma.
For starters,
there are pretty people out there dating every day, and there’s no reason why you can’t
be one of them.
Your family and friends might be onto something. Looks
are about more than physical traits that can be captured in a snapshot. Looks are also
about how you carry yourself.
- Body language: For example, when you cross
your legs, do you cross them toward or away from people you want to
attract?
- Facial expression: Simply smile.
- Posture: Surely, as a model, you
understand the importance of ‘chin up, shoulders back.’ But be careful not to hold your
head up so high that you appear snobbish.
- Eye contact: Try not to let your eyes
wander, even if you’re nervous.
Also, you don’t have to spend your
Saturday nights alone. Go out. Have fun.
And who says you have to
wait to be asked out? Most people are afraid to be the asker for fear of ego-crushing
rejection. When we ask someone out for a first date, we often base the attraction on
looks. Since you are obviously confident about your appearance, if you do get turned
down, your ego will survive it.
Have a question, a thought, or a story
to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at:
single@keynotebooks.com
