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Janitor Promoted at Company Picnic

kdk June 15, 2009
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TULSA, OK — Mel Mathis had no idea that fortune was smiling on him last Saturday, when he attended his company’s summer picnic. Mathis, a custodial engineer for Swift-Tek in Tulsa, was actually rather shocked that he was even invited to the picnic. “Usually,” he says, “people just ignore me. They pretend I don’t even exist.”



Mathis wasn’t sure if he wanted to attend the picnic, since he’d have no one to talk to and he’d probably just end up cleaning up afterwards. But he decided that it was worth the free meal, so he went. At around 5:00, he arrived at the Richmond Street Park and helped himself to as much food as he could carry.



At about 8:00, just as Mathis was thinking that he had stayed long enough—that he’d made his appearance and had his face painted, and it was now okay to leave—he was approached by Guy Hanselman, the CEO of Swift-Tek. “Hi there!” said Hanselman. “I’m Guy. What’s your name?”



As Hanselman shook his hand, Mathis shyly introduced himself and struck up a conversation about the maple syrup industry in Canada. Apparently, Hanselman had spent much of the afternoon and evening by the cooler, where he had consumed so many cans of Schlitz that the caterers had gone scrambling to find more.



As the picnic started to break up, Hanselman continued to talk—and Mathis continued to listen, occasionally nodding. After two hours, Hanselman, convinced that he had found a new friend, patted Mathis on the back and said, “Mel, I like you. You’re a super guy. And you’ve got leadership potential. Whaddya say to a new position?”



“I couldn’t believe it!” Mathis retells. “I thought, Wow! Head custodian! How cool!”



So he accepted the position without knowing exactly what he was getting himself into. Hanselman excused himself and stumbled up to the microphone at the far end of the picnic area. He clung to the microphone as he thumped it with his index finger, making sure it was on. “Hey, everybody! This is Mel. See Mel over there? Hi, Mel! Mel’s our new Vice President of Marketing!” he slurred.



Afraid that they’d lose their jobs if they questioned Hanselman, everyone who was still there went over to congratulate a shocked Mathis.



On Monday morning, Mathis settled into his new office and immediately began writing up Swift-Tek’s new marketing plan. Hanselman, who has no recollection of the promotion, is still too embarrassed to admit that he acted rashly, so he refuses to go back on his promise and return Mathis to his custodial position.

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About Post Author

kdk

Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it. Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course. As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com). Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
kdk@nightsandweekends.com
http://www.NightsAndWeekends.com
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kdk

Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.

Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.

As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).

Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.

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