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Waterworld could have been a good movie. Could have. Unfortunately, those who made it were so intent on making a really cool (and outrageously expensive) movie -- and shooting it almost entirely in the middle of the ocean -- that they apparently ran out of money when it came to the script. That, unfortunately, is what caused it to be such a monstrous box office belly-flop, earning nowhere near the $100 million spent to make it.
Waterworld is the story of the world of tomorrow -- after the polar ice caps melt, leaving the planet covered in water (don’t worry… it’s not actually possible). Those who have survived have created huge floating cities -- and others just drift from place to place on boats.
The Mariner (Kevin Costner) shows up in one of the floating cities one day -- to trade his supply of precious dirt for goods and supplies. While he’s there, the townspeople discover that he’s a mutant (he has gills that allow him to breathe underwater). They’re about to “recycle” him when a band of motorized-vehicle-driving rebels (called Smokers -- because of all the smoke their vehicles spew), led by Deacon (Dennis Hopper), attack the city. The Mariner escapes, thanks to Helen (Jeanne Tripplehorn), who makes him agree to take her and a little girl named Enola (Tina Majorino) with him.
Enola, it turns out, is the reason for the Smokers’ attack -- because she has a tattoo on her back that is thought to be the map to Dryland. So the Mariner and his tagalongs are forced to fight to survive -- and find Dryland -- while Deacon and the Smokers fight to get the little girl.
Waterworld isn’t a horrible movie. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen worse. But it also doesn’t surprise me that it wasn’t a hit. It’s cheesy -- boy, is it cheesy! And the writing is just plain pathetic. I should have known that right from the beginning, though, when the first shot of the movie is of Kevin Costner’s backside as he pees into a cup (which he then empties into a contraption and drinks what comes out). It’s not exactly Hollywood’s high point.
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