The first thing I said as I left the theater where I watched Cast Away was, “I will never be able to get those two-and-a-half hours of my life back.” So maybe the film should have been called Throw Away. Or perhaps Waste Away – because that’s what I did as I sat there watching it.
Note to Tom Hanks fans: I’m not saying anything against Tom here. The role was physically and professionally challenging for him – and he played the role well.
But my role was pretty challenging, too. I had to watch it.
This film has no plot. For a few minutes, there’s some story about workaholic Chuck Noland (Hanks), a FedEx employee, and his girlfriend, Kelly Frears (Helen Hunt). But then his plane crashes, and the movie turns into two hours of Hanks conversing wi
th a Wilson volleyball – and getting progressively hairier.
Remember the story about Robinson Crusoe, the guy who was shipwrecked on an island? Remember the stuff with the savage natives? Take that stuff out. And you know his friend, Friday? Take him out, and add a volleyball with a face. And the really cool bamboo tree fort? Get rid of that, too. Then you have Cast Away.
If you’re an insomniac, this film may be of some use to you. For the rest of you, if you really want to see it, go ahead. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.