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Some of us prefer to remain unattached, with little or no desire (or ability) to be in a long-term relationship. Although examples of this can be seen in both sexes, the male perspective of this scenario seems to be an ongoing enigma.
We’re not going to examine just any bachelor; we’re going to delve into the mindset of the diehard bachelor.
When bachelors over the age of thirty were asked why they chose to remain single, their responses ranged from “I just haven’t found the right girl yet” to “I don’t believe in happily ever after.” Such answers were too vague, so further investigations were necessary. After having interviewed more than a dozen men, I chose three case studies for the purpose of this article.
A bachelor named Ken told me how he had been in a relationship that consumed most of his time and energy for several years. As a result of opting to be with his girlfriend, he lost touch with his buddies. Life was good until Ken and his girlfriend broke up, and he was left alone. When he mustered up the nerve to call the old gang, he was humbled by the fact that they welcomed him back into the fold with open arms and a little teasing.
Ever since that humiliation, he refuses to put too much of his time into romantic relationships. He works a nine-to-six job, often working overtime to get ahead in the company. Three nights a week are devoted to working on a race car with a group of buddies. Another bunch of guys go on road trips at least two weekends a month. His buddies’ wives and girlfriends always keep a few bottles of his favourite beer on ice in case he drops in with his ‘treat of the week’. Ken stays busy and refuses to put all of his eggs in one basket.
Bachelor number two is Pete. Interviewing him was tough; he is oh-so-attractive and charming. If it had been dinner and a movie instead of coffee and an interview, I probably would have been searching for my panties instead of a pen. Of course, that was before he spoke honestly. At any given time, Pete is seeing no less than three women at once. He says, “It’s practical. When one doesn’t work out, I have back up.” He flashed a flawless smile as he added, “The others get more time until I find a replacement.” My reproach for his chauvinistic outer-shell was soon replaced with pity. Why? Because the more he talked the more I saw how afraid he is of being alone.
Bachelor number three, Ted, admits that his own insecurities keep him from committing. He asks:
- What if things don’t work out?
- What if she cheats on me?
- What if I commit myself to one woman and she dumps me?
Because of his suspicious, cynical mind, Ted tends to sabotage his chances for a future with any one woman.
Ask any one of them, and they’ll brag that they are loners. Isn’t it ironic that these self-appointed loners have one resounding quality in common? They are hardly ever alone because they are clearly terrified by the idea of being lonely.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com
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