Doritos, Beer, and Color-Coordinated Paper Products
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The Big Day is almost upon us -- the day that millions of Americans have been anxiously anticipating for months. No, I知 not talking about Groundhog Day (though I知 pretty sure that I知 not the only one hoping that the little rodent is going to predict the end of winter). I知 talking about Super Bowl Sunday.

I love the Super Bowl. They have great commercials. And in between, there痴 plenty of time to chat and fill your face with junk food while those big guys run around the field. What better time to throw a party?

I値l admit that I知 not a football fan. Not at all. In fact, I think it痴 a pretty ridiculous sport. If I知 flipping TV channels and my only two options are football and a test of the Emergency Broadcasting System, I値l turn off the TV and curl up with a good book (What did you think -- that I was going to pick the Emergency Broadcasting System?). But everyone watches the Super Bowl -- it痴 as American as Budweiser and the right to bear arms -- and there痴 no way I知 going to be left out. So I知 hosting a Super Bowl party of my own.

  
 
Right now, it looks like it痴 going to a small party -- six, if you count the host and hostess and my two teddy bears (they don稚 know anything about football, either). And then there痴 Tim. Tim痴 the reason I知 throwing the party -- because we were reading the closed-captioning of a football game while we were sitting in a bar last week, and I got so caught up in the moment that I decided to host a party to celebrate the end of football season.

Tim is also responsible for letting me know which teams will be competing this year -- so I can buy color-coordinated paper plates and napkins to match their jerseys.

My cousin is coming, too. When I invited her, she laughed. 的 don稚 think I致e ever watched the Super Bowl, she told me.

敵ood, I replied. 的 don稚 watch the game, either. I watch the commercials.

的f you ask me, it just sounds like an excuse to eat Doritos and drink beer, she said.

撤retty much, I told her. 鉄o you池e coming?

鉄ure.

My husband will also be in attendance. He痴 a Canadian, though, so he痴 never actually watched the Super Bowl, either. They don稚 actually have football in Canada. Just hockey and curling. I promised him that the commercials would be fun, though (and that I壇 make lots of snacks), and he didn稚 argue. Besides, I think I read somewhere that he has to either watch the Super Bowl or give back his green card.

Other than that, we池e having a hard time finding others to eat Doritos and drink beer with us. I invited my friend Phil, but when I did, he looked at me as though I壇 just sprouted horns.

鉄o can you come? I asked him.

添ou池e kidding, right? he replied. 鉄uper Bowl Sunday is like Christmas! You can稚 just invite people over. They go to the same parties every year.

鉄o then you池e not coming?

He just rolled his eyes and shook his head.

I致e been putting about as much effort into planning our Super Bowl party as I did into planning our wedding reception (more, actually, if you consider that I知 preparing the food myself). Doing a quick estimate, it appears as though I値l have enough junk food to feed an entire football team. I値l have plenty of sugar-based snacks, balanced by the right proportion of salt-based snacks -- and, of course, beer and Doritos.

Now there痴 only one thing left to figure out -- which teams will be playing (or, in other words: what color paper plates do I need to buy)? I知 hoping to see the Red Wings play the St. Louis Blues -- because at least then I値l be able to use the leftover paper plates for this year痴 Fourth of July picnic.

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