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Dear Christine,
I’m not ready to get married and especially not ready to have kids. I think my girlfriend is missing her pills on purpose, trying to get pregnant. Any suggestions on how I can keep her from trapping me? -- FINGERS CROSSED - LAMBETH
Dear F.C.,
Crossing one’s fingers as a form of prophylactic -- interesting approach. Ever heard of safe sex? Or safer yet, abstinence? Birth control or STD prevention is not a one-person responsibility.
Plus, the pill, like all methods of birth control, is not 100% effective.
Trap? If that’s how you feel, tell her that you’re not ready to be a daddy. Make sure she knows where you stand. If you still don’t trust her, abstaining from intimacy is easier than trying to abstain from paying child support.
Dear Christine,
I am dating a divorced father who spends a lot of time with his previous family. I think it’s great that he puts his two sons at the top of his list of priorities, but he spends more time “nurturing” his ex-wife than he does the kids.
His ex-wife constantly expects him to come to her rescue, helping her with everything from her household repairs and clogged drains to her emotional needs.
He is fed up; I am angry and feeling neglected. It’s like, when everyone else is taken care of, then he has time for me. Our relationship is too crowded. I have to find a way to get the ex-pain-in-the-neck to back off, get her own life, and get out of mine. -- F. N. Angry - LONDON
Dear Angry,
So you’re feeling neglected -- by the ex-wife?
My point is this: why are you putting the blame on her? She’s not the one who’s deserting you to be with him. This is about you and your guy. Or is he your guy?
If you blame her, you’re as bad as he is for denying what’s happening here.
Based on the existence of his two kids and ex-wife, I’m assuming that he’s a grown man. It’s up to him to deal with this situation. If he stopped being so available, she’d get a handyman, a bottle of Liquid Plumber, and a psychologist for her problems.
Yes, they have to remain somewhat connected for the sake of the children. However, if he is serious about his relationship with you, he should be spending his time unclogging your drains.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com.
Originally published in The London Free Press on December 5, 2002.
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