Lad Fearing Paternity Trap Could Just Stay Zipped Up
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Dear Christine,

Iím not ready to get married and especially not ready to have kids. I think my girlfriend is missing her pills on purpose, trying to get pregnant. Any suggestions on how I can keep her from trapping me? -- FINGERS CROSSED - LAMBETH

Dear F.C.,

Crossing oneís fingers as a form of prophylactic -- interesting approach. Ever heard of safe sex? Or safer yet, abstinence? Birth control or STD prevention is not a one-person responsibility.

Plus, the pill, like all methods of birth control, is not 100% effective.

Trap? If thatís how you feel, tell her that youíre not ready to be a daddy. Make sure she knows where you stand. If you still donít trust her, abstaining from intimacy is easier than trying to abstain from paying child support.


Dear Christine,

I am dating a divorced father who spends a lot of time with his previous family. I think itís great that he puts his two sons at the top of his list of priorities, but he spends more time ďnurturingĒ his ex-wife than he does the kids.

His ex-wife constantly expects him to come to her rescue, helping her with everything from her household repairs and clogged drains to her emotional needs.

He is fed up; I am angry and feeling neglected. Itís like, when everyone else is taken care of, then he has time for me. Our relationship is too crowded. I have to find a way to get the ex-pain-in-the-neck to back off, get her own life, and get out of mine. -- F. N. Angry - LONDON

Dear Angry,

So youíre feeling neglected -- by the ex-wife?

My point is this: why are you putting the blame on her? Sheís not the one whoís deserting you to be with him. This is about you and your guy. Or is he your guy?

If you blame her, youíre as bad as he is for denying whatís happening here.

Based on the existence of his two kids and ex-wife, Iím assuming that heís a grown man. Itís up to him to deal with this situation. If he stopped being so available, sheíd get a handyman, a bottle of Liquid Plumber, and a psychologist for her problems.

Yes, they have to remain somewhat connected for the sake of the children. However, if he is serious about his relationship with you, he should be spending his time unclogging
your drains.

Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at:

Originally published in
The London Free Press on December 5, 2002.

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