A month ago, I invited a gorgeous woman out for dinner. We had talked several times over the phone on the days prior to the date. Then, on date night, as the minutes turned to hours while I sat in the restaurant waiting for her to arrive, I realized I had been stood up.
My ego couldnít have been more demolished, until barely two weeks later a different woman called when she was already 40 minutes late to meet me at the movie theatre and gave me some lame excuse as to why she couldnít go through with the date.
Once was disappointing. Twice is upsetting. Three times? I swore it wouldnít happen. To ensure it would be a lock, I called the third potential date three times to confirm, once was even on her cell phone when I was on my way to her house. You can just image how devastating it was when she didnít answer the phone or door.
Thatís three strikes. Whatís up with standing people up? Doesnít anyone ever follow through on even the simplest commitments anymore? Is there something wrong with me? Is there something wrong with the women I keep choosing? -- STOOD UP Ė HAMILTON, ON
DEAR STOOD UP,
I canít begin to guess what happened with the first woman, but I have my suspicions that in your ego-shattered state you may have come across a tad too eager for the would-be dates that followed.
In the early stages of any relationship, appearing too needy or clingy could chase away a potential love connection. Whether youíre a man or woman, I think members of the opposite sex want to know that youíre interested in them. However, itís easy to see how they would be wondering if youíre a prospective love interest or a potential stalker.
Without being aloof or standoffish, a little patience and mystery can be much more enticing.
As for ďcommitmentĒ: While you were phoning time and time again to make sure the women were committed to following through on the dates, they were probably thinking you should be committed to an institution.
Donít give up yet. Three strikes only counts in baseball. Next time you plan a date, just relax and hold up your end. No, there arenít any guarantees; just gather up your self-confidence and try, try again.
I read a letter you received about on-line dating. Although I donít have a clue about Netiquette, I do have a list of ten things that should raise red flags for Internet dating.
- They're drinking you under the table, and you're still on-line with them.
- You meet and they tell you about all their prescription medications and their most recent suicide attempt.
- They tell you about all the losers they've met while Internet dating and how they slept with each and every one of them.
- They are casually married.
- They are fig farmers in Sicily, and you live in Jersey.
- They state that you are their best friend and ask if you would mind being a pall bearer at their funeral.
- They rub their trousers under the table.
- They rub their trousers over the table.
- They write eloquent e-mails. Yet when you meet, they barely have a pulse.
- The picture they sent you was from 1965. -- TIMOTHY GAGER Ė WALTHAM, MASSACHUSETTS
Thanks for the sass and grins. You arenít trying to steal my job, are you?
ATTN: To the reader with the long-distance relationship question: There was a technical problem with the e-mail you sent to me. Please re-submit with all the details. Iíve heard of similar situations and would like to respond.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
First printed in The London Free Press on February 6, 2003.