My boyfriend is in the armed forces and is currently overseas. Some of my friends, who are also dating army boys, say that the guys will understand if we seek comfort while they are out of town. When I disagree, they say, “What the men don’t know won’t hurt them.” I think this is horrible. How will these soldiers feel, finding out that while they were off defending freedom and democracy their girlfriends were warming the beds of the locals?
I hope you’ll agree with me and publish this so that I can show those women that I am not alone in my beliefs. And perhaps they will rethink their actions. -- LOYAL HEART – HINESVILLE, GEORGIA
Of course I agree with you! You are not alone; you have right on your side. I could go on a rant about the actions of these women; however, with so many battles in this world, this battle of morals is one you and I cannot win. We can talk till we’re red, white, and blue in the face, but we are all made up of different moral fibre, and no one can dictate how others conduct themselves.
You’ve heard of guilt by association, right? Well, are these so-called friends the kind of people you want to be compared to? Loose them, hold down your post, and when your soldier comes home, your bed will be warmed and your conscience clear.
I went on four dates with a guy over a period of a month. Although we hit it off, there was no physical contact beyond hugging goodnight.
On the fifth date, we went for a long drive. He told me he was attracted to me but not ready for a commitment, as he was recovering from a failed three-year relationship. We talked about our hopes, dreams, and beliefs for hours, then ended up making love right there in his car.
When he didn’t call for two days, I called him, asked him how he felt about us, and he said his position on not wanting a relationship hadn’t changed. I told him I couldn’t sleep with him anymore if we were going to be just friends.
So, we hung out several times platonically and got along famously. Then one night we ended up going to his place, having dinner, talking for hours about deeply personal things, and making love right there on his kitchen floor.
Since then, I’ve only heard from him once by e-mail.
I know he likes me, so why is he walking all over my feelings? Then again, I could be completely wrong about him liking me. Maybe the whole thing was just for sex all along. Has he been using me? -- NEVER HAD A FLING – SARNIA, ON
Dear Just Had A Fling,
Perhaps you should stop making dramatic assumptions and spend more time actually listening to what he’s saying. How many times does he have to tell you that he doesn’t want a relationship?
He says he doesn’t want a relationship – you sleep with him.
You say you don’t want to sleep with him if you’re just friends – you sleep with him.
At least he’s a man of his word.
“Why is he walking all over your feelings?”
He’s not. In fact, he’s just walking through life, and you keep lying down in his path like a doormat. And doormats are meant to be walked on, after all.
Given the amount of time you spend together (with your clothes on), it doesn’t sound like he’s just after sex. But as much as he likes you, he’s simply demonstrating a natural instinct to run when he’s being chased.
The way I see it, you have two choices here:
- Stop sleeping with him, and see if you can actually be friends.
- Or continue polishing his back seat and shining his floors. But that doesn’t make you his girlfriend; it makes you is his maid.
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