Moving on is the Best Form of Revenge
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Dear Christine,

Itís been eight months since I caught my girlfriend cheating with my best friend, and I canít get over their betrayal. I canít forgive or forget. The only way for me to move past this is to seek some sort of retribution. Please donít tell me revenge is not the answer. I have to do something. How can I burn them back?

Thanks to them, I am cynical and totally alone. I have no girlfriend and no best friend. Iím lost without them and have no life. What can I do? -- DOUBLY DUMPED Ė LACOMBE, ALTA

Dear Dumped,

Get a new life. Get new friends. Get a new girlfriend.

I know, getting a life is not like shopping for new shoes, but you have to stop dwelling on spilt milk and start living again.

As for the best friend, with friends like him, who needs enemas? And the girlfriend was obviously a Jezebel who was not worthy of you. Face it: you didnít lose them. You never had them.

I think youíve expended enough energy on them, and I donít think you should waste any more time on revenge. But, if you are determined to make them suffer the wrath of your vengeance, the best way to burn them back is to take something fabulous away from them: yourself.

Dear Christine,

My relationship with my boyfriend was great for three years. Then, about four months ago, my life became overwhelmed with stress (work lay-off, no money, concern about mortgage payments, etc.). I found myself unintentionally taking my frustrations out on our relationship. We stopped talking about anything significant. Our conversations have been reduced to the weather and TV.

Weíre both in our late twenties. He loves me more than anyone ever has. As far as heís concerned, we are destined to be together forever.

Iím not so sure anymore. I donít even know if I love still him. We havenít made love in weeks, and we hardly even kiss anymore. Sadly, I donít really miss it.

My friends say if I break up with him, Iíll regret it for the rest of my life. How can I know if we should break up? -- SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? Ė TORONTO, ON

Dear Should I,

ďHow can you know?Ē Tough question. Letís start with a few easier questions.

How were things before the financial troubles? Were you happy then? Did the lack of conversation and intimacy occur before or after your added stresses?

When bad weather approaches, itís a natural instinct to run for cover. Perhaps since you canít run from economic responsibilities, youíre running from your boyfriend.

Your letter spoke volumes about your problems, but you never once mentioned his feelings or opinions in the past tense. It sounds like he still loves you enough to want to spend his life with you despite the problems.

Also, you didnít mention living arrangements. If you live together, have you stopped to think that he is surely as stressed as you are? As a couple, you should be working together to get through this.

If you donít live with him, thereís no shame in asking for his help as a sounding board and a shoulder. But in order to do that, you have to open up and let him in.

Whether heís the one for you is ultimately up to you. Just donít make a panicked decision that will affect the rest of your life.

Nothing can kill romance like a bill collector; therefore, you must put your best efforts into communicating and being more romantic. If, after genuine attempts to rekindle your relationship, you still feel this way, then maybe you would be better off apart.

Thereís an old saying: When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

It can be taken two ways. Itís up to you how you want to apply it to your current situation.

Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at:

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