Kiss Abusive Boyfriend Goodbye
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Dear Christine,

For the first eight months of our relationship, my current boyfriend seemed to be a sweet, sensitive man. Actually, I thought he was The One.

Over the last few months, Ive been sick and gained weight really fast, which did not please me, but it wasnt a main focus either, since Im trying to get healthy again.

He, however, is very bothered by it. He has started making tasteless jokes like What did you do with the girl I fell in love witheat her?

He gawks at other women and says things like Its hard to believe you used to be that hot. Oh well, Ill think about her next time were in bed.

He knows Im sick yet actually had the nerve to say, I dont want to be with a cow who wont take care of herself.

Ive always been secure about myself and my appearance, but now I find myself turning away from the mirror. In fact, I find myself turning to the fridge for the first time in my life.

If this is some sort of tough love to motivate me to lose weight, its hurtful and counterproductive. He gets angry when I whine about things. So, without sounding like a cry-baby, how can I make him understand hes hurting me? -- NOT A COW STRATHROY, ON

Dear Strathroy,

Of course youre not a cow. And anyone who truly cares about you would never say such things. A true loved one would not do anything to intentionally trample your self-esteem.

This is a perfect example of abuse. And dont kid yourself -- verbal and mental abuses are just as scarring as physical abuse.

Lets prioritize here. First, you need to take care of your overall health. Then, if and when you want to lose weight, you should do it for yourself because you want to -- not because hes bullying you.

Hes not The One for better or worse. Hes not The One in sickness or in health. Hes simply not The One.

Tough love? Id say tough luck to him and I hope you will too when you dump him.

Dear Christine,

Im 17 and need guidance on coming out to my family. Ive been attracted to boys and known I was gay since I was a little kid. This is not a phase.

I am absolutely comfortable with my sexuality. Ive had several boyfriends but have kept them secret from my family. Also, I am very close to my whole family, and I do not want to upset anyone. I have come out to all of my friends, and they still love me for who I am. Could you please give me advice on coming out? -- COMING OUT TORONTO, ON

Dear Coming Out,

Youve already made the most important step: coming out to yourself and being comfortable with who you are.

Since youre close to your family, they probably already have their suspicions. Telling them will take courage, but its unavoidable.

Id start by choosing the family member who you think will be the most supportive, and tell them first. Then, bring them along as you tell the remainder of your loved ones.

The best suggestion I have is for you to go to or call 1-888-428-5666. PFLAG stands for Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians & Gays, and a regular reader assures me that they can be a great support system for you at this time.

Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at:

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