Is your head feeling better yet? Have you shaken
the confetti out of your hair and gotten back to the real world?
those resolutions and goals you set for yourself at the beginning of last year? What
would your life be like right now if you had achieved every single one of them? Oh, letís
be honest; what would your life be like now if you had achieved just one of your
There are many types of resolutions. Career-oriented
resolutions usually involve vowing to do something like starting your own business.
Dream-related goals often mean writing that book youíve always wanted to
Family plans could be about anything from getting the kidsí
college paid for with or without the help of your ex-spouse to picking up your dirty
laundry so your mom doesnít have to.
Spirituality seekers vow to return
to the church more frequently and give more time to charity.
Health-inspired types plan to join a gym or quit smoking or abstain from
drinking. (By the way, fitness promises are my most loathed -- and the least likely to
Those striving for financial freedom swear to put more money in
Was travel your focus? You may have vowed to travel more,
enjoying the hard work you do all year.
If your resolutions are of a
personal nature, you could be out to get married, become engaged, shack up, find a steady
partner, have a date, or actually talk to someone of the opposite
Resolutions, huh! I used to hate them -- until I finally designed a
new list especially for me:
Now thatís a list I can deal with.
- I pledge never to smack the snooze button more
than 8 times in one day.
- I will not have a hangover -- unless Iíve been out
drinking the night before.
- I will decorate my exercise bike in my bedroom with
brightly coloured lingerie to keep the place looking festive.
- I will come up with
more inventive excuses as to why I cannot babysit my friendsí kids.
- I will travel
as far as necessary to leave a flaming paper bag full of dog poop on the front step of
the next clown who sends me a chain letter.
- If I suffer from writerís block, I
will play ring toss with Fruit Loops and a strategically bent bobby pin.
- I will
maneuver safely through a paper-strewn obstacle course to find the cordless
- ÖWhen I stub my toe, which is inevitable, I will try not to let the caller
hear the obscenities that follow.
- I will start writing another book. Nothing says
I have to finish it.
- I will put off grocery shopping until there is nothing in the
fridge except baking soda. Then Iíll go to the store on an empty stomach and pay for an
empty juice carton and an open box of crackers.
- I will occasionally ignore the
filthiness of my apartment windows until I have to tune to the Weather Channel to see if
- I will go on a date with myself once a month, whether I go to a
movie or to read a magazine over a fancy coffee at Chapters.
- I will continue to
write my column in nothing but my panties, no matter how strangely the cats look at
There isnít one single
resolution here that I canít successfully uphold. What does your list look
On December 31, 2004, I will look back satisfied and state proudly,
ďI kept all my New Yearís resolutions.Ē Will you?
The way I see it, the
secret isnít about keeping resolutions; itís about selecting goals you can
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