Wife Wants 'Business' Relationship
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Dear Christine,

After four years of marriage, my wife has become unaffectionate and irritable. When I tell her I’m feeling neglected, she pulls away more, telling me that she needs time alone. I try to give her space, but no matter how far I back off, it’s not enough.

I think the only reason she does not want to end the relationship is because I am a dependable stepfather for her kids, a good provider, and a comfortable companion for her – when she sees fit to spend time with me.

I am not the needy type, but I would like to be touched, told I am wanted, or maybe just kissed goodnight once every couple of weeks.

She says we have a good ‘business’ relationship. I want to be loved and appreciated as a man.

What are the odds if I get out of this marriage that I’ll find someone who loves me and feels passion for me? Or should I learn to live in this relationship of convenience so that I don’t have to be alone? -- UNLOVED HUSBAND – BRANTFORD, ON

Dear Unloved,

We all need a certain amount of personal space to stay revitalized. And in relationship situations, a little time to ourselves enables us to return to our partners stronger. Sadly, your wife is taking time for herself but not returning with consideration to your needs for a loving bond.

Your needs are not too much to ask. If anything, they are too little. One kiss every couple weeks?!

You say you’re worried about being alone? As lonely as you are with your wife, you might as well be alone. This “relationship of convenience” doesn’t sound very convenient for you.

You and she obviously have different views of what a marriage should be. Perhaps counselling would help you convey your feelings and help her regain the romance.

If nothing else, you might both gain the strength to move on and seek out your individual wants and needs.

Dear Christine,

I feel as though my heart is being torn apart. I have two possible men to choose from. The first is bright, mature, and very much like me. We share common interests, hopes, and dreams.

The second is younger than me. We share some of the same ideals and interests, although sometimes I get the feeling that I am a transitional girl for him. Even though I think he has some wild oats to sow, he excites me, and my heart pounds at the mere thought of him.

The first guy has already gone through his wild stage, and it’s like we are on the same levels in our lives. The second is spontaneous and unpredictable – qualities which I crave.

It’s time for me to settle down, but I don’t want to have to choose. Can I keep them both? -- TORN BETWEEN TWO LOVERS – NIAGARA FALLS, NY

Dear Torn Between Two Lovers,

The 70s song that you’ve named yourself after goes like this: “Torn between two lovers, feelin’ like a fool. Loving both of you is breaking all the rules.”

The reason I’m quoting the song is because the answer you’d get from most people, about keeping both of them, would be NO! Most would say the obvious choice would be to stay with the first man because he’s more dependable. But since a curious tug of your heartstrings – or hormones – has caused you to consider the second man, I don’t think you’re ready to embark on a long-term relationship with either one of them.

Who says it’s time for you to settle down?

There’s nothing wrong with playing the field, as long as you are honest about your intentions. Settling down to a committed relationship should be about meeting the right person who can keep you content for life and not about some obscure date on a calendar. Don’t feel that you have to commit yourself to Mr. Right-Now, when Mr. Right may still be out there.

Settling down should not mean “settling.”

Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com

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