Man Wants More Than Benefits
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Dear Christine,

I’m in love with my best friend.

We have been very close for over a year. There’s nothing we can’t talk about, and we’re creating memories every day.

Early on in our friendship, we decided we didn’t want a traditional relationship. Instead we became friends with ‘benefits.’ Since then, we’ve only slept with each other, and this woman has become very special to me.

She’s had her share of bad relationships and is now in the midst of a messy divorce. This has left her disillusioned, and she says she will never remarry or even have a boyfriend. I’ve told her that I want to be more than just friends, but she won’t have it.

I can’t talk to my guy friends about this, because they’ll think I’m nuts to complain when I have the perfect non-committal situation. But I want more.

Do you think there’s a chance I’ll ever be a boyfriend to this woman? Or will we always remain the best of friends, with ‘benefits’? -- JUST A FRIEND – DETROIT, MI

Dear Just A Friend,

This woman is not the first to suffer a broken heart; yet she’s taken her hurt to an unrealistic extreme by saying she never wants another relationship. I don’t believe it.

If truth be told, she’s already in a relationship, albeit unconventional, with you. She counts on you for sex and moral support, but she won’t acknowledge that what you have is a relationship.

You can bet that she’ll have normal relationships again. But not with you. She’s made that very clear.

Will you always remain friends with ‘benefits’? No. Eventually she’ll find a man who won’t buy into her ‘no more relationships’ crap. And then she’ll be done with you.

When you’ve had your fill of her benefits, it’ll be bittersweet, but you’ll have to move on and seek what you crave – a more giving relationship.

Dear Christine, I read the recent letter from the man whose wife wants a “business relationship.” It’s really not fair for him, and I could give a lot to a person with such a rare quality. He must love the wrong woman.

I would really like to contact this man because he has everything I am looking for, especially the part that he is an affectionate and good stepfather.

Can you give him my e-mail address? I would be happy to talk to him. Please let me know. -- LILLY – UNDISCLOSED LOCATION

Dear Lilly,

On the outside, you are probably comfortable with your letter. Please take the time to look inside your letter and your heart to see the underlying alarms that ring with your request.

I’m not sure what disturbs me more – your eagerness to form a bond with a married man who is currently analyzing his marriage, or the comment you made that one of his most attractive features is that he’s a good stepfather.

The Unloved Husband in question already has a woman who sees him as nothing more than a paycheque and a live-in babysitter for her kids. What he craves is passion, not someone else’s bills and kids.

The foremost promise of this column is that those who write in will remain anonymous. I must admit, however, that I’ve thought, given an extraordinary situation where both parties were interested, I might think it would be a favour to help two eager readers make contact.

But, in Unloved Husband’s case, the anonymity rule will remain steadfast, for I fear that whether you even realize it, you could potentially have him take over his roll as stepfather for your children. Then he’d be out of the frying pan into the fire, only with a new woman, new children, and likely support payments to his past family.

Well, I’d rather see everyone stay single in the city than take part in any such potential nightmares. As hard as it is for single parents to find suitable mates, I must beg you to give this guy a break and keep looking.

Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at:

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