ex-boyfriend wants desperately to get back with me.
The reason we broke up
was because I thought he was cheating. Other women phone him constantly. He says he would
never cheat on me, but I donít believe him.
I love him so much, but I
canít be with someone I canít trust. My suspicion escalated to the point where I peeked
over his shoulder and saw his answering machine code, and I call and check his messages.
Iíve also checked his mailbox and found letters from his ex-girlfriend
begging him to come back to her. Needless to say, I destroyed the letters and didnít tell
him about them. Heís obviously encouraging her in some way. And he has the audacity to
get angry because I donít trust him.
I accuse him everyday of cheating. I
want to be with him, but I just canít trust him. -- SUE Ė HAMILTON, ON
Iím more concerned about your
behaviour than his alleged behaviour.
Itís hard to say for sure if heís a
cheater. But itís plain to see that you have become a stalker. Do the terms Ďcriminal
trespassí or Ďfederal offenceí mean anything to you?
In order to maintain
any relationship, trust is only one of the crucial ingredients needed. Yet I donít see
any leap of faith coming from your direction. Plus, if heís your ex, why are you
spying on him? Is it because he desperately wants to get back with
You need to spend less time on covert operations and more time
building your self-esteem.
Iím not saying he hasnít cheated on you, and
Iím not saying he has. But letís look at this from both
- If this ex-boyfriend did cheat on you, then you did the
right thing in breaking up, and now itís time to move on.
- If he was faithful,
nothing will ever convince you of it. So, since youíve already made up your mind about
him, you need to get over him and move on.
My fiancťe committed suicide a few months ago. I miss her
so much it hurts. As much as Iíve tried to move on, I canít escape the
Everyone tells me that there was nothing I could
have done differently, and now I not only feel guilty for not having been there for her,
but I also feel selfish for making her death about me by wallowing in my own
But why shouldnít I feel sorry for myself for having lost the
most wonderful woman who ever walked the Earth?
I know thereís nothing
you can do. I guess I just thought if I vented a little I might feel better. Thanks for
listening. -- ENGANGED TO AN ANGEL Ė PORT HURON, MI
This is truly one of the most engaging letters Iíve ever
received. My heart is aching for you and your loss. But I feel strangely peaceful and
confident that you will get through this because you have a good soul.
could spout a dozen clichťs about how itís better to have loved and lost than never to
have loved at all, but instead I think professional counselling would help you
In London, we have bereavement counselling through private
practices or through
non-profit agencies like The London Interfaith Counselling
Centre (519-434-0077 or www.licc.on.ca). Iím sending
you a list of grief counsellors and support groups in your area.
Above all, please know that youíre not alone. The Internet and yellow pages are full of
options for people just like you who have lost loved ones.
say why she took her own life, but the wonderful woman youíve lost would surely want you
to live on and be happy.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to
share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: email@example.com