Ex-Lovers' New Ties Must Bind
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Dear Christine,

Iím in love with a married woman.

We were together before she got married, breaking up and getting back together countless times over the past decade.

In the middle of one of our break-ups, I got someone else pregnant. The woman I love married another man because she was angry and hurt. She says that she loves her husband, but she is ďin loveĒ with me. Sheís scared to come back to me because she thinks I might leave her for the mother of my child.

I told the childís mother that I will take care of my responsibility and never abandon either one of them, but I donít want to be with her.

Should I continue trying to be with my ex? We have both made wrong decisions, but we still love each other. -- CANíT STOP THINKING OF HER Ė LONDON, ON

  
 
Dear Canít,

You must.

No matter how you feel about each other, married people are strictly off limits.

Quite honestly, it sounds more like infatuation than love. Love is about respect and trust. Infatuation is selfish and flighty.

Getting over her will be tough, but if you couldnít make it work after 10 years, chances are it wasnít meant to be.

I canít help wondering if she would marry a man out of spite, what else might she do?

You are no longer two footloose people who are drawn to each other. She is a wife and you are a fatheróand you need to follow the paths youíve set out for yourselves. Your priorities must shift to being a parent and hers to being a wife. Now is not the time for regrets or back-pedaling. Thereís no point lamenting her marriage to another man or the unexpected arrival of your baby.

The pregnancy may have been a mistake, but the result is not only your responsibility, but also your family. Your exís marriage, like so many others, may not last forever, but you and your child are bound till death do you part.



Dear Christine,

This may sound ridiculous, but I havenít been asked out in months. And I get asked out rarely because Iím too pretty.

Donít get me wrong; Iím not complaining about my looks. In fact, itís thanks to my appearance that I was able to pay my way through college with modeling jobs.

My mom says that men are intimidated by my good looks and independence. My friends say Iím too shy around men. My dad says men are probably afraid that Iíll be too high maintenance. Everyone has opinions as to why I spend my Saturday nights alone. What Iíd like to know is if you have any suggestions for how I can make myself more datable. -- PRETTY WOMAN Ė NORTH YORK, ON

Dear Pretty Woman,

Iím sure eyes are rolling and the words ďpoor babyĒ are on the tips of many readersí tongues. Nevertheless, Iíll do my best with your dilemma.

For starters, there are pretty people out there dating every day, and thereís no reason why you canít be one of them.

Your family and friends might be onto something. Looks are about more than physical traits that can be captured in a snapshot. Looks are also about how you carry yourself.
  • Body language: For example, when you cross your legs, do you cross them toward or away from people you want to attract?
  • Facial expression: Simply smile.
  • Posture: Surely, as a model, you understand the importance of Ďchin up, shoulders back.í But be careful not to hold your head up so high that you appear snobbish.
  • Eye contact: Try not to let your eyes wander, even if youíre nervous.
Also, you donít have to spend your Saturday nights alone. Go out. Have fun.

And who says you have to wait to be asked out? Most people are afraid to be the asker for fear of ego-crushing rejection. When we ask someone out for a first date, we often base the attraction on looks. Since you are obviously confident about your appearance, if you do get turned down, your ego will survive it.


Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com


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