Woman Should Question Her Relationship
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Dear Christine,

A couple of nights ago, my boyfriend stood me up without as much as a phone call. This isn’t the first time he’s pulled this. I left a message on his answering machine telling him how upset I was. He showed up the next day like nothing was wrong. When I confronted him, he claimed he was trying to do me a favour by not mentioning the “unprovoked” message I’d left. According to him, I was being unreasonable.

I was offended by the way he turned the blame on me, saying I should know better than to start petty fights. What am I, stupid?

As a witness and victim of his attempted manipulation, you’d think I would be angry. Instead, I feel bad. I want him to apologize, and I want things back the way they were.

I just want us to get along. How can I get him to stop pulling hurtful stunts? -- STOOD UP – WINDSOR, ON

Dear Stood Up,

The way he turned the blame on you just proves that he has no respect for your feelings—and even less respect for your intelligence. It is he who should be feeling bad—not you. He’s the one who stood you up—again—with no admission, explanation, or apology.

How can you get him to stop pulling hurtful stunts?

You can put sticky notes on the bathroom mirror to remind someone to put the cap back on the toothpaste, but you can’t change someone else’s personality. His obvious flaws like insensitivity and absence of integrity are out of your hands. And no matter what you do or say, he won’t change unless he wants to.

So you have to ask yourself: Do you really want to be with someone who won’t own up to his mistakes? Do you really want to be with someone who is undependable and insensitive? Do you want to be with someone who thinks you’re stupid?

Dear Christine,

I’m a 31-year-old man who is physically attracted to older women. I’m not talking about a couple years older; I’m talking a couple decades or more. The last three women I was intimate with were all over 50.

For the record, I have a completely normal relationship with my mom, so this isn’t some Freudian mother issue.

I have no interest in women my own age and am a perfect target of mockery for my buddies. They call me “The Granny Grabber.”

What’s wrong with me? Is this some sort of geriatric fetish? What could have caused it? And is there any way to get past this attraction? Or is this just a matter of personal preference? -- LOVER OF OLDER WOMEN – WATERLOO, ON

Dear Lover,

Younger women are attracted to older men all the time. And older men are attracted to younger women. If that’s okay, then what’s wrong with you?

I say nothing. Your buddies, on the other hand, perpetuate society’s double standards and make you feel like a bad little boy. That’s their hang-up.

Your only problem with being exclusively attracted to women decades older than you would be if you want to have a traditional family with children. If you don't, then your fascination is only a problem if you allow it to be.

It’s hard to say for sure what first drew you to older women. It may have been triggered by an early experience associated with an older woman. Then again, maybe not. If you really want to overcome this preference, you could probably try some sort of aversion therapy. But if your buddies’ “Granny Grabber” comments haven’t put you off, I suspect you don’t truly want to get past this attraction.

Everyone knows older women are smarter and sexier, and their experience makes them more confident with themselves and in relationships. Add to that the proven fact that women live longer than men, and the younger man/older woman pairing actually makes more sense than the other way around.

Worrying about this is a waste of precious time—time you could be spending with some lovely granny who’s in need of a good grabbing.

Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at single@keynotebooks.com

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