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Dear Christine,
I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year
and living with her for four months. I know I’m not the easiest guy to live with, as I
can be very moody. I keep having trouble with her wanting to cuddle all the time when
we’re in bed. I know—what a terrible problem to have.
I admit it sounds
stupid, and I’m sure most single men would love to have a beautiful woman to cuddle with.
It’s just that I grew up without a mother around, and Dad wasn’t big on hugs and such,
seeing as he was taking care of a full house. So, you see, I really don’t need lots of
physical affection—but I understand she does, and I try my best.
We cuddle in front of the fireplace or while watching the hockey game (she loves hockey;
how cool is that?), and I think that’s great. But every time I lie down to sleep, I get
bombarded with requests to cuddle. I feel awful because there’s no good way to refuse
her. So how should I handle this?
We’ve talked about it, and she’s
asked for 10 minutes before I roll over to go to sleep. But as anyone who has worked the
graveyard shift will tell you, those 10 minutes seem like a lifetime when you just need
to sleep. -- FEELING TIRED AND SELFISH – LONDON, ON
Dear Tired and
Selfish,
Given your own statement that you aren’t the easiest
person to live with, it’s a good guess that she makes concessions for you. And since
you’ve talked to her about it, you’ve already compromised once. Are you looking to
compromise down to eight minutes, then five, and so on, until you get everything your own
way?
Sometimes we have to do things for our partners out of love. This
is not too much to ask. Suck it up; it’s only 10 minutes.
P.S.: It
wouldn’t hurt you to become more comfortable with affection—so if you have kids, you can
give them more hugs than you received.
Dear
Christine,
I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for over a year.
During this time, we have become very close, and I have never been this happy
before.
I asked him about his past girlfriends and was shocked to hear
what he had to say. It turns out that he has had two brief relationships with married
women. Even though this was long before he met me, I’m battling to accept
it.
I don’t want to lose him, but I’m very against adulterous
relationships. How can I go against my values and principles? What advice can you give
me? -- TERRIFIED OF ADULTERERS
Dear Terrified,
In
some cases, the past is best left in the past. It’s unfair to judge him based on things
he did long before you met, especially if it’s something he’s not likely to do again.
I’m sure you’ve done a thing or two that you either wish you could take back or would
never do again.
Not to condone his previous actions, but you should know
that sometimes people enter into affairs with married people because, consciously or
subconsciously, they know that such relationships cannot go anywhere. Keeping that in
mind, the more than a year he’s spent with you likely means more to him than a
fling.
He was honest with you about his past. You should ask exactly how
he feels about adulterous relationships now. Then evaluate how his views compare to your
personal values and principles.
If everything else in the relationship is
fine, it doesn’t seem fair to cling to mistakes of the past.
Have
a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at:
single@keynotebooks.com
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