CHARM, OH This year is
an important one in the world of politics. Important issues will be discussed, and
important decisions will be made. But, as anyone in Holmes County will tell you, none of
those decisions can compare to the importance or controversy surrounding the campaign for
the Holmes County Drain Commissioner.
As Holmes County residents prepare
for the early August election, the candidates appear to be getting desperate. And the
previously-calm campaign is turning into a down-and-dirty mudslinging
It all started two weeks ago, when—out of sheer
desperation—Kenneth Kimber (D), who had dropped in the polls to a mere 23%, decided that
he needed to act fast or abandon the race—and his dream of being elected County Drain
Commissioner. So he put his best men on the case to dig for information—any dirty little
tidbit about his opponent that could push the Kimber campaign ahead.
then the piece of information for which Kimber had been praying for finally arrived. The
election team hurried to put together a campaign commercial, which was professionally
produced by the Charm Public Television crew. The commercial reveals, in a realistic
dramatization featuring none other than Charm’s very own hometown star, Kimber supporter
and WRUOK news anchor Bobby Poplar, that, for the last five weeks, Reform Party candidate
Sam McFee’s very own shower drain has been clogged!
“Would you want this
man in charge of your county’s drains?” a somber Poplar asks in the
Holmes County residents have answered with a resounding, “No!”
Polls have shown that Kimber has passed up McFee, who now holds only 41% in the polls.
McFee’s election committee is scrambling for ammunition to use against
Kimber. And although they have yet to decide on the perfect campaign slogan to boost
their numbers back to where they had been before the scandal arose, the McFee team has a
number of options—none of which are really any good. One anonymous source reveals that
they will most likely be forced to resort to the slogan: “Kenneth Kimber—He Kicks his