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Dear
Christine,
I’m a young, newly single woman. My friends and I love your
column and read you all the time. You’ve written about always calling someone when you
say you will, which totally applies to a situation I was in recently.
My
guy (let’s call him Jerome) and I had been in this long distance “thing” for a while.
Despite the distance, we had rendezvoused in different cities as often as possible and
talked all the time in between. A few weeks ago, he sent me the cutest care package with
mixed CDs, baby photos, and a new journal for me to write in. Soon after, Jerome became
depressed, as things were up in the air with his career. But I was always supportive and
tried to make him feel better. We talked last week, and everything he said made me
believe we were completely fine. Then six days went by without a word from him, which
was unheard of. Finally, I received the dreaded e-mail saying he was sorry he hadn’t
called, but his ex-girlfriend wanted him back. Although he wasn’t sure he wanted to
reconcile with his maniac ex, he promised he’d call to see if we could sort something out
… whatever that means.
Days later, still no call.
In the
wake of my shattered heart, I wanted to add an exclamation point to your comments about
calling when you say you will. Don’t string someone along. Although you may not be sure
of what is going on in your situation, have the decency and respect to call and either
try to work things out or end it.
Even if Jerome called now to explain and
wanted to keep on, I don’t think I could because he didn’t call me sooner. Instead he let
me go through the hell that is a breakup. -- BROKEN IN THE CITY – LONDON,
ON
Dear Broken,
Thanks to you and your friends
for being faithful readers. I wish I could tell you something you haven’t already thought
of.
I must say I’m glad to see you aren’t blaming yourself or wondering if
you did something wrong. Good for you for seeing that this isn’t about you; it’s about
Jerome and his insensitivity. It’s a pretty good guess that he’s back with his ex and
too embarrassed or guilt-ridden to call you. Or maybe he’s too fatigued from all the
make-up sex to pick up the phone. Whatever the reason, it’s shameful and cruel to string
someone along with false promises. Jerome certainly blew it.
I’m sorry
you had to go through this. Just remember—what doesn’t kill us makes us
stronger.
Dear Christine,
My girlfriend
of three months has many male friends that she’s known since childhood. At first, I had
no problem with her talking to them on the phone and even meeting them for coffee
occasionally. Then she admitted she had kissed one of them when they were in high school.
Her failure to disclose all details made me feel betrayed. When I flipped out, she asked
what she could do to make me not break up with her. I said she could not call the guys or
see them any more. At first she agreed, but now she says I am being
unreasonable.
Am I being unreasonable? -- JEALOUS – MISSISSAUGA, ON
Dear Jealous,
Ultimatums are always
unreasonable. A relationship is supposed to be a partnership, not a dictatorship.
It’s not fair to expect her to forsake lifelong friendships for a
three-month relationship because of your insecurities. She’s made it quite clear that
the kiss was in the past, and she wants to be with you now. Her failure to disclose all
details is not as big of a deal as your jealousy of a childhood moment.
We
all have pasts. But unless you get over your insecurity, you’ll never have a content
future with this woman or any other.
Have a question, a thought, or a
story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at
single@keynotebooks.com
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