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NEW YORK,
NY In response to the popularity of such shocking natural television programs as
When Animals Attack, When Animals Attack II, and When Nature Calls,
the Nature Network has taken the shock and horror of cable television to a whole new
level.
“We’ve already taken a lot of criticism for the increasingly
graphic nature of our shows in the past few years,” comments the Nature Network’s
Executive Director, Francis James. Previous footage has included large, ferocious
beasts—such as lions, tigers, and bears—attacking thousands upon thousands of people
(sometimes even whole tour buses full of them) who were stupid enough to get too close to
ferocious lions, tigers, and bears. Viewers have witnessed the deaths or serious
manglings of several innocent people who just so happened to be taunting Nature—in the
form of lions and tigers and bears.
(The typical response, of course, is
a horrified “Oh, my!”)
“But,” James adds,” we need to continue to respond
to popular demand. If our viewers want more animals to attack, we’ll give them more
attacking animals.”
So, beginning this September, the Nature Network will
air their latest graphic attacking animal show, When Poodles
Attack.
According to James, this show is “definitely not for the
squeamish.” It will include a half-hour each week of the revenge of those ferocious
beasts that have been given silly haircuts—and even sillier names. Viewers will watch
the animals attack postal carriers, neighbors, small black squirrels (and other various
rodents), floral delivery persons, ants, and even the occasional squeaky
toy.
Does the Nature Network foresee objection and vicious hate mail?
“Definitely,” James replies. “But we’ll also have thousands of faithful viewers. We’ll
be the topic of Friday morning discussions around water coolers
everywhere.”
When Poodles Attack will air each Thursday night at
10:30 p.m. Viewer discretion is advised.
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