Network Pushes Limits of Shocking Programming
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NEW YORK, NY In response to the popularity of such shocking natural television programs as When Animals Attack, When Animals Attack II, and When Nature Calls, the Nature Network has taken the shock and horror of cable television to a whole new level.

“We’ve already taken a lot of criticism for the increasingly graphic nature of our shows in the past few years,” comments the Nature Network’s Executive Director, Francis James. Previous footage has included large, ferocious beasts—such as lions, tigers, and bears—attacking thousands upon thousands of people (sometimes even whole tour buses full of them) who were stupid enough to get too close to ferocious lions, tigers, and bears. Viewers have witnessed the deaths or serious manglings of several innocent people who just so happened to be taunting Nature—in the form of lions and tigers and bears.

  
 
(The typical response, of course, is a horrified “Oh, my!”)

“But,” James adds,” we need to continue to respond to popular demand. If our viewers want more animals to attack, we’ll give them more attacking animals.”

So, beginning this September, the Nature Network will air their latest graphic attacking animal show, When Poodles Attack.

According to James, this show is “definitely not for the squeamish.” It will include a half-hour each week of the revenge of those ferocious beasts that have been given silly haircuts—and even sillier names. Viewers will watch the animals attack postal carriers, neighbors, small black squirrels (and other various rodents), floral delivery persons, ants, and even the occasional squeaky toy.

Does the Nature Network foresee objection and vicious hate mail? “Definitely,” James replies. “But we’ll also have thousands of faithful viewers. We’ll be the topic of Friday morning discussions around water coolers everywhere.”

When Poodles Attack will air each Thursday night at 10:30 p.m. Viewer discretion is advised.

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