KANSAS, OK Dan
Simmons has announced that he really doesn’t care about his “really great friendship”
with Cara Schlink—and he’s totally prepared and willing to ruin that
Simmons, who met Schlink last fall in Algebra class, has been
madly in love with her ever since, but she still has no clue. None whatsoever. The two
of them became good friends—contrary to Simmons’ wishes for something more—right around
the time that they worked together in a small group in class. But, Simmons has decided,
he has more friends than he can handle.
Last night, as the two of them
were eating dinner together at the burger place in the mall’s food court, Simmons decided
that the mood and the ambience were just right—so he somewhat nervously asked Schlink if
she’d accompany him to his grandparents’ wedding anniversary celebration next
“Um,” Schlink sighed, “Like, as your date?”
“Uh, yeah,” Simmons responded.
“Dan, I don’t think that’s
a good idea,” said Schlink. “I mean, you’re totally my best guy friend, and I don’t want
to ruin that. And I know that as soon as we go out on a date, that would totally
complicate stuff, and…I just don’t think it would be a good idea. ‘Cuz if something
would happen and we’d break up, then we’d lose this really great
Simmons tried to explain to Schlink that he had thought it
all through—and that it was quite all right with him. Schlink, however, was quite
convinced of her views, and she refused to listen to Simmons’ protests.
“She wants to be friends,” Simmons told his best friend, Steve,
after the event. “I’ve got more friends than one guy needs. What I don’t have is
a girlfriend. That’s what I need. So I really don’t care if I lose a friend. In
fact, I am totally prepared to destroy a perfectly good friendship. I’ve got a few to
Schlink, however, is unlikely to change her mind. Because while
she believes that Simmons is a really nice guy—and a great friend—she also thinks that he
has a bad haircut and horrible taste in clothes. Besides, as she recently revealed to
her roommate, Renee, if she were to express any interest whatsoever in Simmons, his
friend, Steve, might not ask her out.