Abused Woman Needs Friend, Reader Argues
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Dear Christine,

As much as I delight in reading most of your advice, I was disappointed with your response to “Exhausted Friend – Brandon, Manitoba.”

Exhausted said she was tired of hearing the complaints of her pal who was living with a verbally abusive, two-timing man, and though she has offered to help her friend leave this man numerous times, the victim doesn’t leave.

The “ball,” as you say, is not in the victim’s court.

Abuse is about control, taking the spirit physically and mentally out of their victims. The abused woman will doubt everything she does and says because her abuser has convinced her she is worthless and that the abuse is somehow her fault.

Please ask Exhausted not to give up, but instead just to listen, be there, and continue to offer help. Her friend needs her and will eventually realize through constant support that it is possible to get out. The victim needs to want help and believe she deserves a better life.

Advise her, too, of the support offered in her city and that abuse is not tolerated in our great country.

With Exhausted’s patience and strength, the situation will change, and this time in their lives will be a memory they can sadly and joyfully look back on. The rewards of a life-long friendship are never forgotten. -- EILEEN – LONDON, ONTARIO

Dear Eileen,

Thank you for your opinion.

I do hope the girlfriends remain close. I do not, however, agree they both should have to suffer the abuse of one man. Friendship is a two-way street. The victim may not have a choice (in her own mind), but Exhausted does.

As you described, being a victim can sometimes be like an addiction–in which case, no one can help. Victims must first help themselves. Rehashing the same woeful stories without action is only serving to alienate the friendship. If the abused friend distances herself simply because Exhausted won’t discuss this one topic, then she is clearly not ready to be helped or to be a good friend.

I will take your advice and send some support info to Exhausted to pass on to her abused friend. In the meantime, I just hope they can agree to live outside the dysfunctional relationship and get on to happier times.

Dear Christine,

Just thought I’d share a trick I’ve used when checking out a woman.

I look at her mother—because that’s how she’ll probably be 25 years down the road. Then I observe her relationship with her father—because that indicates how she’ll treat men.

Ladies can flip it around when checking out guys. It’s so close to accurate it’s scary. -- GORDON STAMP – EDMONTON, ALBERTA

Dear Gordon,

Thank you for your insight. Now that you mention it, I’ve noticed that men seem to fall hopelessly in love with me right after having met my mom.

Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com

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