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Dear
Christine,
I’m 38 and have been married once. Unfortunately, it fell
apart…against my wishes. I’m an educated, nice, athletic, and extraordinarily handsome
man. I’ve been searching high and low to find a suitable wife, and nothing seems to work
out.
What’s up with women—do they just not want to date someone who’s
divorced? -- A CATCH – DEVONDHIRE, BERMUDA
Dear
Catch,
It sounds like you’re playing the blame game. It’s not your
fault your marriage ended. It’s not your fault women won’t commit to
you.
Just because you’re educated, nice, and extraordinarily handsome
doesn’t mean you’re not a loser. Could it be that your intellect comes across as pompous,
or your niceness translates as neediness? Perhaps you’re too self-involved and vain.
Since there are plenty of divorced people dating, your
women-don’t-want-you-because-you’re-divorced theory doesn’t fly.
The
opposite sex can smell desperation a mile away. And frankly, your letter reeks of it.
Case in point: “ … trying to find a suitable wife … ”? What happened to trying to find a
girlfriend or even an enjoyable night out with female companionship?
Get
your ego in check, take a look at your own contribution to your failures, and slow
down.
Dear Christine,
My boyfriend and
I have been together for three months and everything has been like a fairy tale—until we
had our first fight, and he hit me. It was only once, and he swears it’ll never happen
again. He said he didn’t mean to do it; he just snapped because I made him so
mad.
Should I believe he’ll never do it again? Should I give him
another chance? -- ANONYMOUS – DETROIT, MICHIGAN
Dear
Anonymous,
In any situation, you have to realize that if he hit you
once, he can hit you again.
When it comes to abusive relationships,
there are millions of different scenarios and solutions. Let’s isolate and focus on
yours. I’m sorry you had to suffer this guy’s wrath. But on the bright side, you have
the advantage of seeing very early what he’s made of.
Most abuse starts
with mental, verbal, and manipulative abuses. I suspect he’s no acceptation, since even
his apology came with a defence that blamed you for having angered
him.
Abusive people feed off of their victims’ insecurities and rely on
misdirected sympathy. Don’t fall into those traps.
You’ve only put
in a couple of months. Get out now; it’ll only be harder to leave
later.
Dear Christine,
I’ve been
thinking a lot about relationships lately. I feel very guilty about having some success
with my current romance, and it’s keeping me from feeling like I should
continue.
Why do I feel guilty, and how can I get over it and have
a happily successful relationship? What’s wrong with me? Please help. -- CONFLICTED –
LONDON, ONTARIO
Dear Conflicted,
You could
be feeling guilty about your success because you don’t feel you deserve it. If you’re
used to being disappointed and now things are finally going your way, you feel something
is wrong. Sometimes we sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop, only to find out
there is no other shoe. Or perhaps because you’re so accustomed to toxic relationships,
you’re looking a gift horse in the mouth.
Whatever the case, relax,
take a deep breath, and feel good about yourself and your relationship. Keep telling
yourself, “I am a wonderful person. I deserve happiness.”
Have a
question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at
single@keynotebooks.com
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