Iím 38 and have been married once. Unfortunately, it fell
apartÖagainst my wishes. Iím an educated, nice, athletic, and extraordinarily handsome
man. Iíve been searching high and low to find a suitable wife, and nothing seems to work
Whatís up with womenódo they just not want to date someone whoís
divorced? -- A CATCH Ė DEVONDHIRE, BERMUDA
It sounds like youíre playing the blame game. Itís not your
fault your marriage ended. Itís not your fault women wonít commit to
Just because youíre educated, nice, and extraordinarily handsome
doesnít mean youíre not a loser. Could it be that your intellect comes across as pompous,
or your niceness translates as neediness? Perhaps youíre too self-involved and vain.
Since there are plenty of divorced people dating, your
women-donít-want-you-because-youíre-divorced theory doesnít fly.
opposite sex can smell desperation a mile away. And frankly, your letter reeks of it.
Case in point: ď Ö trying to find a suitable wife Ö Ē? What happened to trying to find a
girlfriend or even an enjoyable night out with female companionship?
your ego in check, take a look at your own contribution to your failures, and slow
My boyfriend and
I have been together for three months and everything has been like a fairy taleóuntil we
had our first fight, and he hit me. It was only once, and he swears itíll never happen
again. He said he didnít mean to do it; he just snapped because I made him so
Should I believe heíll never do it again? Should I give him
another chance? -- ANONYMOUS Ė DETROIT, MICHIGAN
In any situation, you have to realize that if he hit you
once, he can hit you again.
When it comes to abusive relationships,
there are millions of different scenarios and solutions. Letís isolate and focus on
yours. Iím sorry you had to suffer this guyís wrath. But on the bright side, you have
the advantage of seeing very early what heís made of.
Most abuse starts
with mental, verbal, and manipulative abuses. I suspect heís no acceptation, since even
his apology came with a defence that blamed you for having angered
Abusive people feed off of their victimsí insecurities and rely on
misdirected sympathy. Donít fall into those traps.
Youíve only put
in a couple of months. Get out now; itíll only be harder to leave
thinking a lot about relationships lately. I feel very guilty about having some success
with my current romance, and itís keeping me from feeling like I should
Why do I feel guilty, and how can I get over it and have
a happily successful relationship? Whatís wrong with me? Please help. -- CONFLICTED Ė
be feeling guilty about your success because you donít feel you deserve it. If youíre
used to being disappointed and now things are finally going your way, you feel something
is wrong. Sometimes we sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop, only to find out
there is no other shoe. Or perhaps because youíre so accustomed to toxic relationships,
youíre looking a gift horse in the mouth.
Whatever the case, relax,
take a deep breath, and feel good about yourself and your relationship. Keep telling
yourself, ďI am a wonderful person. I deserve happiness.Ē
question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at