Opposite Sex Can Smell Desperation a Mile Away
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Dear Christine,

Iím 38 and have been married once. Unfortunately, it fell apartÖagainst my wishes. Iím an educated, nice, athletic, and extraordinarily handsome man. Iíve been searching high and low to find a suitable wife, and nothing seems to work out.

Whatís up with womenódo they just not want to date someone whoís divorced? -- A CATCH Ė DEVONDHIRE, BERMUDA

Dear Catch,

It sounds like youíre playing the blame game. Itís not your fault your marriage ended. Itís not your fault women wonít commit to you.

Just because youíre educated, nice, and extraordinarily handsome doesnít mean youíre not a loser. Could it be that your intellect comes across as pompous, or your niceness translates as neediness? Perhaps youíre too self-involved and vain. Since there are plenty of divorced people dating, your women-donít-want-you-because-youíre-divorced theory doesnít fly.

The opposite sex can smell desperation a mile away. And frankly, your letter reeks of it. Case in point: ď Ö trying to find a suitable wife Ö Ē? What happened to trying to find a girlfriend or even an enjoyable night out with female companionship?

Get your ego in check, take a look at your own contribution to your failures, and slow down.

Dear Christine,

My boyfriend and I have been together for three months and everything has been like a fairy taleóuntil we had our first fight, and he hit me. It was only once, and he swears itíll never happen again. He said he didnít mean to do it; he just snapped because I made him so mad.

Should I believe heíll never do it again? Should I give him another chance? -- ANONYMOUS Ė DETROIT, MICHIGAN

Dear Anonymous,

In any situation, you have to realize that if he hit you once, he can hit you again.

When it comes to abusive relationships, there are millions of different scenarios and solutions. Letís isolate and focus on yours. Iím sorry you had to suffer this guyís wrath. But on the bright side, you have the advantage of seeing very early what heís made of.

Most abuse starts with mental, verbal, and manipulative abuses. I suspect heís no acceptation, since even his apology came with a defence that blamed you for having angered him.

Abusive people feed off of their victimsí insecurities and rely on misdirected sympathy. Donít fall into those traps.

Youíve only put in a couple of months. Get out now; itíll only be harder to leave later.

Dear Christine,

Iíve been thinking a lot about relationships lately. I feel very guilty about having some success with my current romance, and itís keeping me from feeling like I should continue.

Why do I feel guilty, and how can I get over it and have a happily successful relationship? Whatís wrong with me? Please help. -- CONFLICTED Ė LONDON, ONTARIO

Dear Conflicted,

You could be feeling guilty about your success because you donít feel you deserve it. If youíre used to being disappointed and now things are finally going your way, you feel something is wrong. Sometimes we sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop, only to find out there is no other shoe. Or perhaps because youíre so accustomed to toxic relationships, youíre looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Whatever the case, relax, take a deep breath, and feel good about yourself and your relationship. Keep telling yourself, ďI am a wonderful person. I deserve happiness.Ē

Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at single@keynotebooks.com

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