Weíve been dating for four years. What do I have to do to get my man to commit?
been patient, but this is getting ridiculous. Am I wasting my time? -- IMPATIENT Ė LUDUC,
Spending four years with
the same person is a commitment in itself, but if you need more, youíre going to have to
start asking some questions.
What are you looking for? Marriage? A
common-law arrangement? Monogamy? What exactly constitutes a commitment in your mind and
What is preventing him from moving to the next level? Does he have
financial or employment concerns? Does he want to be free to date other people? Is
something lacking in your relationship?
You need to make sure he hasnít
been staying with you just out of convenience or habit. Discuss your hopes, goals, and
I personally donít think itís ever a ďwaste of timeĒ
being with a person you care about. But, in your case, after four years, if the two of
you arenít on the same page or at least in the same chapter, perhaps itís time to make a
break for it.
girlfriend and I first started dating, we were inseparable. I think many couples go
through the stage where they want to spend every minute together. However, itís been a
year and a half, and I canít seem to cut loose.
She used to like how
attentive I was, but now she feels overwhelmed by my constant presence. Sheíd like some
time after work and on the weekends to spend by herself and with friends. Iím trying to
find ways to break the routine and give her the space she needs.
the same business, and her employers are hiring. Iím thinking about applying there. I
figure if we spend our work days together, Iíll find it easier to back off and give her
Do you have any other ideas on how I can pull back without losing
the closeness we have? I know I should get out there and do things with my friends, but
Iíd rather hang out with my girlfriend. -- HEAD OVER HEELS Ė GUELPH, ONTARIO
Dear Head Over Heels,
Ah, the canít-stand-to-be-apart phase.
Weíve all been there.
But as you said, thereís a time when we all need
Thereís no bigger turn-off than a clingy, needy partner. Itís
Itís good that youíre aware of your negative pattern. Now you
need to stop dwelling on your own needs and think about how others are affected by your
self-involved neediness. Given your co-dependent frame of mind, substituting your
friends is probably not the best thing for you. You need to spend time with you. Get a
hobby, join a gym, find the independent man inside the lonely little boy youíve
Do notóI repeat, do notómake any attempts to get a job at
her place of employment. Sheís made it clear she needs a freer schedule to be her own
person. She doesnít need your selfish twist on a new smothering
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