I’m a young woman of 18, and I realize that platonic friendships are often longer lasting than romantic entanglements. This’s why I’ve come to you for your opinion.
I’ve had a crush on my closest guy friend since we met about two years ago. Now, for the first time since we’ve known each other, neither of us is dating anyone.
I’m almost certain he feels the same way. I just don’t know if a guy would feel better if I were to make the first move or if he does. Or would I be better off to leave it alone? -- GIRL FRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND – LONDON, ONTARIO
Dear Girl Friend,
Kudos to you! For someone so young (or any age, for that matter), you’re very sensible.
About your guy friend, my first instinct says go for it. However, since you’re curious about what a guy would prefer, I asked Single in the City’s Male Advisory Panel the following question:
“If you found yourself romantically interested in a so-far platonic female friend, would you be more likely to:
a) watch for her signals, then tell her how you feel?
b) send her signals and let her make the first move?”
The findings were:
27% answered “a”
71% answered “b”
2% refused to respond, stating they’ve been there and would never again risk a friendship for a potential romance.
Given the numbers, I’d say we’re right back to my first instincts—go for it.
Youth is on your side. You’re probably less uptight and jaded than someone your senior, leaving you more leeway to work things out no matter what the outcome. Don’t worry about risking the friendship because if you can’t be friends after discussing the attraction, then you weren’t really such great friends to begin with.
Please stay in touch, and let us know what happens.
From the moment we met a few months ago, my girlfriend, Tanya, and I were instantly attracted to each other. The problem is that she ended a long-term relationship shortly before we started dating, and she’s plagued by the feeling she hasn’t spent enough time alone.
She’s suggested we break up. I’ve insisted that she take some time to reconsider, but it looks like she’s still planning to end it.
What can I say to talk her out of this? What can I do to show her what she’ll be missing if she ends it? -- JEREMY – TORONTO, ONTARIO
After knowing you for several months, Tanya already knows what she’ll be missing. You can’t make up her mind for her. Whether she’s feeling crowded by you or by her past doesn’t really matter. All that matters is her need for space.
You’ve told her how you feel. Now all you can do is accept and respect her wishes. It takes two to tango. The dance isn’t much fun with only one willing partner.
Think about it; you don’t really want to be with her if her heart’s not in it, do you?
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