Reporters Claim: Nothing to Write About Today
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Reporters agree. There is absolutely nothing to write about today.

No politicians did anything stupid today.

No entertainers did anything gutsy to create some sort of media hype.

No one said anything profound, meaningful, ridiculous, or very witty, for that matter.

No one of significance announced a marriage, a merger, a pregnancy, a birth, a haircut, a divorce, a new employee, a new job, a new product, or a lunch appointment.

Nothing particularly gruesome happened today. No one killed anyone that anyone else had ever heard of. No one bombed anyone else’s home. No one even yelled at someone else more than was expected. No gangs fought. But none decided on a truce, either.

No cats are lost. No long-lost dogs came home to a grateful and loving family.

No one published anything, sold anything exciting, ran a sale on anything, made a lot of money, lost a lot of money, or saw any good movies lately.

The weather wasn’t especially unexpected. In fact, it was just like yesterday—and most likely the same as it will be tomorrow. But who really can tell anyway?

Said one reporter, “Normally, in situations such as this, we make stuff up. But we just didn’t feel like being that creative today. So we all agreed to take the day off.”

Regularly scheduled crises will resume tomorrow.

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