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It’s everybody’s dream to buy an old farmhouse. A century-old country
homestead with a few acres for horses, a small pond to fish in, and nothing
but peace and quiet, conveniently located within a reasonable distance to a major shopping mall, grocery stores, and movie theatres, so you can “get
away” from your getaway.
I made that dream a reality a month ago, and moved into a 115-year-old
Acadian-style home on five acres. I have two ponds so clear you can see the
fish swimming. There’s a horse stall in the barn, and a large stone
fireplace in the living room. The ceilings are 12 feet high. The floors are hardwood.
It’s my dream and everything, but I was wondering about something. Is it
too late to change my dream, or insert a few addendums? Gosh, I hope not.
My dream house should be ready to live in, and updated with all modern
conveniences. The kitchen wouldn’t have sloping floors, the lighting would
be terrific. The walls painted in light colors, not slathered in brown
tones that should never have been created in the first place. I’m sure
nobody put gaudy wallpaper on half the walls because they knew it would
come off one day, and they wouldn’t want to bother anyone with all that
work.
Did I mention the snakes? My dream house doesn’t have Copperheads guarding
the ponds, or Rattlesnakes hiding in the yard. You can actually walk around
the ponds, instead of hopping from bare patch to bare patch, hoping that
stick is a stick, and not a water moccasin.
It makes for a great story, but getting bit by a rattlesnake isn’t
practical for me. It doesn’t fit in my schedule to run screaming to the car
and drive frantically for 45 miles to the nearest hospital. (At least I
know I’ll have a police escort; the closest freeway is closely monitored by
a highway patrolman looking for a promotion. He didn’t care that I was
moving and in a major hurry. He gave me the ticket anyway.)
And what about all this peace and quiet I longed for most of my adult life?
Did I consider that pizza delivery guys don’t come this far? And who did I
think was going to mow these five acres anyway? Didn’t I realize how large
they made houses a century ago? There’s no time to sit by the pond and
ponder when I’m cleaning the likes of The Empire State Building!
I guess it’s the classic case of, “Be careful for what you wish for. You
just might get it.”
If anyone knows of a studio apartment in the city, maintenance free and
close to everything, let me know, will you? If I don’t answer the phone
right away, leave a message. I’m probably outside mowing.
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