Matchmaking For a Friend Isnít Wrong
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Dear Christine,

Iím a high school student who likes to date and have fun. My girlfriends and I have often been known to pass on the guys weíre no longer dating. The guys donít seem to mind, and at least we know who weíre dating.

A woman from work says this sounds creepy, and she thinks itís as bad as if we were having orgies or something. What do you think? -- TASHA Ė DEARBORN, MICHIGAN

Dear Tasha,

Itís fairly common for younger people to date within their own group. As long as mutual respect and honesty are at the heart of your intentions, what youíre doing sounds like normal teenage behaviour.

I suspect that your co-worker is concerned about promiscuity. Iíd like to hope that all of these couplings are not leading to sexual encounters. And, in the cases where they do, I hope youíre using protection.

  
 
As you get older, the time will come when you will be less fickle. In the meantime, if you meet a boy who you think would be more suitable for a friend, I donít see anything wrong with playing matchmaker.

One rule we should always remember is that platonic friendships must be treated with priority. Boys will come and go, but a lifelong girlfriend should be cherished and respected.



Dear Christine,

I just started seeing a wonderful girl. Sheís intelligent, sexy, and very affectionate. Ironically, itís the affection thatís driving me nuts.

Like the other night on the way to dinner and a movie, she practically sat on my lap in the car, even with the gearshift jabbing into her leg. Then she sat on the same side of the booth as me in the restaurant. Who does that? It was impossible to enjoy the movie with her fidgeting and pawing at me.

How can I get her to understand how I feel without hurting her feelings? -- CROWDED Ė LONDON, ONTARIO

Dear Crowded,

As you approach the situation, keep this old saying in mind: Men cuddle to get sex, and women have sex to get cuddled. You want life to be like a Penthouse letter; she wants Harlequin romance.

With that said, be careful what you wish for.

Itís common in the onset a relationship to be insatiable for all types of affection and validation. When the newness wanes, she may back off a bit.

In the meantime, you can let her know how wonderful and intelligent she is and how you value her. If necessary, explain that you arenít comfortable with so much physical contact this early in the game (or at all).

As she becomes more secure in the relationship, sheíll better gauge your moods. And as you feel less pressure, you may feel more drawn to her.

Worst case scenario: If honesty backfires and she dumps you, then at least youíll have room to breathe.


Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at single@keynotebooks.com


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