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Dear Christine,
I’m a high school student who likes to date and have fun. My girlfriends and I have often been known to pass on the guys we’re no longer dating. The guys don’t seem to mind, and at least we know who we’re dating.
A woman from work says this sounds creepy, and she thinks it’s as bad as if we were having orgies or something. What do you think? -- TASHA – DEARBORN, MICHIGAN
Dear Tasha,
It’s fairly common for younger people to date within their own group. As long as mutual respect and honesty are at the heart of your intentions, what you’re doing sounds like normal teenage behaviour.
I suspect that your co-worker is concerned about promiscuity. I’d like to hope that all of these couplings are not leading to sexual encounters. And, in the cases where they do, I hope you’re using protection.
As you get older, the time will come when you will be less fickle. In the meantime, if you meet a boy who you think would be more suitable for a friend, I don’t see anything wrong with playing matchmaker.
One rule we should always remember is that platonic friendships must be treated with priority. Boys will come and go, but a lifelong girlfriend should be cherished and respected.
Dear Christine,
I just started seeing a wonderful girl. She’s intelligent, sexy, and very affectionate. Ironically, it’s the affection that’s driving me nuts.
Like the other night on the way to dinner and a movie, she practically sat on my lap in the car, even with the gearshift jabbing into her leg. Then she sat on the same side of the booth as me in the restaurant. Who does that? It was impossible to enjoy the movie with her fidgeting and pawing at me.
How can I get her to understand how I feel without hurting her feelings? -- CROWDED – LONDON, ONTARIO
Dear Crowded,
As you approach the situation, keep this old saying in mind: Men cuddle to get sex, and women have sex to get cuddled. You want life to be like a Penthouse letter; she wants Harlequin romance.
With that said, be careful what you wish for.
It’s common in the onset a relationship to be insatiable for all types of affection and validation. When the newness wanes, she may back off a bit.
In the meantime, you can let her know how wonderful and intelligent she is and how you value her. If necessary, explain that you aren’t comfortable with so much physical contact this early in the game (or at all).
As she becomes more secure in the relationship, she’ll better gauge your moods. And as you feel less pressure, you may feel more drawn to her.
Worst case scenario: If honesty backfires and she dumps you, then at least you’ll have room to breathe.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at single@keynotebooks.com
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